Saturday, September 03, 2005

My most embarrassing moment

I decided to share this little story with you all. It's taken me some time to be able to talk about it but I think I'm finally ready (sniffle sniffle).
I was 24 and travelling through Europe with a friend (Kristen). We were in Munich and Kristen was tired from the train ride but I wanted to explore. A cute guy (Mike) came to our hostel and handed out flyers promoting his "bike tours" so I decided that sounded like a great idea. I figured out the directions and made it to the meeting place and signed up. I was feeling pretty good and a little slap happy from being over tired but it was a beautiful day for a bike ride.
So, Mike takes us all over the city which is gorgeous and we end up in a park with a pristine river running through it. He stops and proceeds to get naked. Totally Naked! He tells us all to get naked because we are jumping in the river. So, there are about a dozen of us tour takers and about half were taking their clothes off. I'm just standing there debating on what to do when Mike says "c'mon Shannon ~ don't be an American prude, be adventurous. Have FUN!". Did I mention that he is totally naked?.
Well, I had promised myself that one of the things I would do in Europe is to go topless (at the beach) and I hadn't done that yet so I was seriously considering doing this. Then Mike said "just wear your bra and panties then". "Alright, jeez". So I take my shorts and top off and realize I am wearing these tiny little "jungle" printed underwear that my friend Cathy had given me for the trip (she seemed to think they were approprate for travel wear.) Let me tell you that I am not a tiny little girl with a tiny little bottom. I'm not grotesque or anything but lets just say I'm "fluffy". So I walk as delicately as possible over to the group and prepare to jump in. Then Mike says "okay Shannon, you're first. Here, we'll help you." "UH, help me what?" I say. Then he informs me that we are climbing a tree and using a rope swing to jump in by. He says we are supposed to swing out far enough to swim to a small island in the middle and from there we would take the current down river. It was too late to back out now so I start climbing. I realize that as I'm climbing my underwear are not covering the important area that they needed to be covering and that the two guys who are "helping" me climb this tree are probably seeing more of me than necessary. So, I am hurrying to get ahold of the rope and get my ass (and vagina) in the water as quickly as possible. I reach for the rope and slip and fall ~ I do land in the water but I don't make it out far enough to swim to the alotted island where we were to go. The current is super strong and it starts carrying me down river immediately. My contacts are going up into my eyeballs and I'm sputtering trying to get my breath. Mike jumps in and tries to help me get across and I don't have any idea what the rest of the group is doing because I am long gone by now. Mike helps me get to the other side of the bank and tells me to grab onto a bush that is hanging in the water. He tells me to climb out. What the Fuck? Climb out? I thought this would be a nice leisurely swim and that it would come to a nice easy slope where I could walk out gracefully with my pride and my underwear intact.
Well, I grab onto the branch and the current is so strong that it pulls my underwear off. I am not kidding! I grab them and now have them in my hands and have to CLIMB out of the river with my big ass aimed right at Mike the bike tour guide. He was staying to help me out and I assured him I could handle it and he could go on down river further. He got the hint and went a little ways up to climb out himself. I climb out put my jungle underwear back on and say to him "uh, real fun Mike. Thanks". I still have to face the rest of the group and the guys that saw my cootchie on the tree rope. Great, I think to myself. One of the wives has a video camera~ there goes my political career. I still expect to see my "moment" show up on one of those TV video shows.
No one in the group said anything to me but I imagine they were laughing their asses off while I was sputtering and flying down river (I would have been). We all got back on our bikes and stopped for beers, I had the biggest glass they sold. It is definitelly my most embarrassing moment.


PreppyGirl said...

That's hysterical! I would have DIED from embarrassment (and from bare-ass-ment).

Good times...

Sherri said...

That was so freakin' funny! I read it at work and had to hold my mouth shut to keep from laughing out loud!