Sunday, July 30, 2006

Oreo Thief

This is a funny story I remembered from my past.

I used to work as a Quality Analyst at a printing plant. I basically escorted customers (Art Directors, Publishers, Production Managers, etc.) to press and let them edit color on their magazines. As a sidenote, I am now the customer and get escorted by my old co-workers to press. It is a weird dynamic but it really is pretty sweet to be able to return to your old job and have everyone have to basically kiss your ass.
When I worked as a QA, we had a new customer in the plant okaying FLAUNT magazine. A trendy, LA based magazine with a very flamboyant creator named Luis.
Luis was in the plant and he was a self proclaimed "Queen" and I remember he used the word fuck a lot. I thought he was awesome. He told me stories about celebrities he had met and the groupie that I am, I was impressed. He must have liked me because he bought me a bottle of perfume for my birthday (which was the same week he was in the plant.)
Anyway, one time we were out at press and the head press operator (an old timer who's been a press operator for like 40 years) had a bag of Oreo cookies sitting next to his work station. There were only two left and when he went out of the doghouse, Luis sneakily reached over and shoved them both in his mouth. He didn't think anyone had seen him but I did. He lowered his head and continued to color correct as he ate the cookies. The head press operator came back in and went to grab his remaining cookies and saw they were gone. He looked at me and was like "what the fuck happened to my cookies?" Luis said "Don't look at me" in his very flamboyant manner (think Carson Kressley from Queer Eye) but as he said it you could see Oreo cookie all over his teeth.
Of course there was nothing we could do or say since he was the customer but the look on the operator's face was priceless. I was just on his press Saturday morning and we recalled that memory. Kenny (the operator) said he was pissed, he wanted those cookies.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Challenging Music Post

I stole this list from stinkypaw. It is quite challenging. Give it a try.
Choose a musician and answer the questions using only song titles from that person. I chose Leonard Cohen (who I think is amazing.)

1. Are you male or female? Lady Midnight
2. Describe yourself. Bird on a Wire
3. How do some people feel about you? Everybody Knows
4. How do you feel about yourself? Waiting For The Miracle
5. Describe your "ex". Heart With No Companion or There is a War
6. Describe your current significant other. Dance Me to the End of Love
7. Describe where you want to be. Chelsea Hotel
8. Describe how you live. Be For Real
9. Describe how you love. Hallelujah
10. What would you ask for if you had a wish? The Future
11. Share a few words of wisdom. Don't Go Home With Your Hard-On
12. Now say goodbye. So Long, Marianne

Friday, July 07, 2006

All About Joey & Harty

My five year old doesn't have imaginary friends, she has imaginary "children." I know she has at least five but the two who get the most attention are Harty and Joey.

Harty is a sweetheart and very likeable child. She helps Mazzy pick up her room and shares her toys with the other "kids." Harty has pink hair and is five years old. Today is her surprise birthday (it is ALWAYS her birthday and Mazzy ALWAYS wants to buy "Harty" a present). Her favorite language is French and she is fluent. She frequently gives Mazzy lessons in French. In case you didn't know ~ "maroya" is how you say "love" in French (hey, Harty should know). Harty wants to be a ballet teacher when she grows up.

Now, Joey is the little stinker of the group. He is often responsible for messing up Mazzy's room and once even locked Mazzy in her closet. Joey is four years old and likes water guns and wants to be a watergun boy fairy when he grows up. Last week Mazzy told me a secret about Joey. She said to me "he has big boobs like you, Mom." Mazzy says she loves him and is teaching him how to be good. Joey is in school right now, he has summer school (of course). Mazzy is fluent in "Rubbish" and she learned this from Joey. Joey isn't allowed at Nana and Papa's house anymore after acting up over there and making a mess. I've tried to ban him from our house but he keeps sneaking back in.

Mazzy does have a few other imaginary family members.
She had a step sister who was killed by a truck. She is buried in the cemetary up the street.
Another step sister ( a teenager) is living in Japan. Her name is "Jaln" which is pronounced "Jewel"


it's Friday. Big Fucking Deal.