Starry Night Boutique

sharing a fellow blogger's contest

2012-01-26T08:52:00.002-06:00

very sweet family raising money to move to Guatemala to be full time missionaries.

triathlon

2012-01-23T18:14:00.002-06:00

I thought I blogged about my spring tri experience. I better get it down while I still remember it.

Last year at Easter my sister in law asked me to do a 5K run through the woods for the Children's Advocacy center. I laughed because I have never ran in my life. I was told in high school (by the track coach) that I didn't have a runners body (big boobs and about 25lbs over weight) so I assumed that meant that I "could not" run. I fully was under the assumption that I could not run so I never attempted it (though what I wanted to do in high school was run the 2 mile).

I did agree to do the run (figuring I could walk it) since it was for charity. As it worked out, we were out of town the day of the run so our other sister in law (Liz) ran it instead (she also had never ran and never thought she could). She did run it and finished, she says "it wasn't pretty but she did it". It inspired her.

Liz started looking up other local 5K races and stumbled upon a sprint triathlon that was to take place early August (2011). This race was a quarter mile swim, 15 mile bike ride, and a 5K run and was in New Glarus, Wisconsin. This one especially appealed to her because of the New Glarus Brewery. She asked me if I wanted to do it and I laughed. I told her "I can't run" and she said "you can do ANYthing for two hours", claiming that the longest times were around 2 hours and she pointed out some photos of finishers, who were quite large. She said "if that person can do it, WE can do it". Their were other heavy people in a few other photos and I started to think, "no kidding, MAYbe I really can do it".

I mentioned it to our other sister in law (Kathy) and she was all about it. She got me excited and we told Liz we would do it. Gabriel came in and told me that he was going to do it too. I laughed and asked him if he should see a doctor first (I have been working out with a personal trainer for 3 years and he had not done any physical exercise for..well...ever). I said "great, i'm glad you're going to do it. Seriously, can you swim?" he answered "nope". He figured he would just work it out.

We made a plan to start training June 5th. I walked Magda to her girl scout meeting at the church about 3 blocks away and decided I would run back home. THREE blocks and I was DYING. After half a block I sounded like Darth Vader but I made it all the way home.

The training schedule said to run 20 minutes, so I set my ipod and ran - once I hit 10 minutes, I turned around and ran home so my total time was 20 minutes. I did this for about 5 days then switched to running 2 miles. Once I could 2 miles pretty easily, I upped it a little at a time. Finally after about 5 weeks, I had Gab plan me a 5K route. I set out and did it without stopping at all. I was very excited. I thought about that coach who 25 years ago told me I didn't have a runners body and thought "screw him". If he had encouraged me then, who knows what might have happened.

During this whole time, I also started riding my bike. The first time Kathy and I decided to ride to Humiston Woods. We knew it was 16 miles from my driveway to the woods and back. We checked the time and set out. The ride out was pretty easy, more worried about getting ran over because the roads were busy. Coming home was harder because of the wind and by the time we got home our legs were a little like rubber. It took about an hour and 2o minutes. We felt pretty good about that but knew we wanted our bike time down to under one hour.

We started riding in the country where there was no traffic. There was one good hill also. We would do the 10 mile ride a few times a week and we felt pretty confident with the bike portion.

Swimming...we needed to time ourselves at the swim because we had to have a time for registering for the race. Gab and I went to the Elks and I swam first. My time was 13 minutes (can't remember exactly). Gab got in and panicked and had to get out of the pool. He said he would try again next time. Same thing happened the next time we swam. My time got better and he could never get past the first lap without feeling like he was going to vomit. I asked him again "are you sure you want to do this? seriously, how are you going to get through the swim?". He said his plan was to "drown in the first event and then he didnt' need to worry about the bike or run".

I added bricks. I rode 10 miles on the bike and then immediately ran a mile. My feet felt like bricks but I ran through and knew it would take about half a mile to work it out. I was prepared (i thought).

Finding something to wear. Big boobied women are s.o.l. when it comes to athletics. Performance swim suits don't come big enough so I had to wear a lycra sports bra under my swim suit.

The weekend of the tri came (too fast) and I prayed for a severe thunderstorm that morning. We did get a thunderstorm but it came (and went) too early and by the time the race was to start, it had cleared up. We headed to the park and all the other athletes were there and they all looked totally buff and fit. I looked around the park for the other out of shape runners and said to Liz "um, where are all the freaking fat people Liz?". She looked around and pointed at us and said "right here". We realized that WE were the ones people would look at in photos and think "well if SHE can do it, then I can do it". I was terrified but had come too far to not go through with it. I put my bike in the staging area, got my ankle timer and number and lined up in my swim group. Gab was in the first group (slowest times went first). We had just guessed on his time (20 min.) since he had never actually completed a run. Luckily they put him the lane next to the wall, he got through by walking, hanging on the edge, and doggy paddle. He kept going though and was out and on the bike within 18 minutes.

When it was my turn to get in the water, the other people in my lane looked all athletic and skinny. A young girl was right in front of me (there were 3 people per lane - i think, maybe 4, i'm forgetting now). Anyway, we swam down one side of the rope then swam back the other. A few head bangs but I swim with my face up so I could see. I totally lapped the skinny young girl and felt awesome about that. My swim was 12 minutes.

Jumped out of the pool and ran/walked to the bikes. Dried off a bit, shoes on, tee shirt on, helmet on. Grab bike and walk it to the street, jump on bike and take off. I seriously UNDERestimated how long it would take my heart rate to come down from the vigorous swim. The bike ride went around the corner and immediately started going UPHILL. It basically never stopped going up hill, it was INSANE. The one part of the whole race I was not worried about was the bike ride and here it was killing me. I seriously almost started crying at one point. At the top of every hill I expected some relief but was met with another series of hills, mostly going up. As bikes would speed past me, I felt like I was crawling. The young skinny girl who I had lapped passed me pretty quickly into it. Ah well. Just when I started thinking I couldn't do it, an athlete would come up on me and encourage me "good job" and "keep going" and "you're doing awesome" REALLY helped keep me going. I thought "i have been out here for HOURS" (definitely taking a watch next year). I wished I had my cell phone so I could call Gab and see if there was ever an end to this bike ride. The people along the route would yell to me "this is the last hill, then it's all downhill from there" and I would be like "YEAH" then I would get to the top and see four more hills and think "those fucking liars". All I kept thinking was "well at least I know I'm not totally last since Kathy hasn't passed me yet" and then I hear "SHANNON!" and thinkg "oh damn". The very last mile of the ride, Kathy caught me and we rode in together.

Hang the bikes back up, helmets off, bandana on. Start running. OMG. I was prepared for my feet to feel like bricks for a little bit but this was something totally different. My feet didn't feel like bricks but my thighs were quivering and shaky. Because all the hills worked totally different muscle groups. I ran for about half a mile and then took three small steps and that was a huge mistake. Kathy kept going like a champ. I completed the 5K doing some run, some walk but I kept going. I honestly thought Gab, Liz, and everyone else had finished so far ahead of me that I pretty much gave up and just was going through the motions. As I headed out, some runners were heading back in (the 5K route was straight out one side of the road and then turn around and head back the other side). I see Gab coming back and he's going strong. I think "damn, they aren't even finished yet, WHY did I slow down so much?". About half way through I see Liz coming back, I yell "I fucking hate you Liz vincent" (only half joking because she convinced me to do this). Some very kind people had set up a table with water half way through and that was very much appreciated. As I approached the end, Gab had come back and was running with me encouraging me to keep going. I crossed the finish line and was SO glad it was over.

I got my medal, we took some pictures. I could barely walk at this point and we had to walk back to the hotel (just a few blocks) and clean up and pack and get checked out. Definitely next time we'll stay two nights so we aren't in such a rush after the race. We missed the big awards, etc. and the free beer was all gone by the time we got back so we just headed to the brewery. I was driving to Lake Tomahawk after that so I wasn't able to ease my pain with beer either (another reason I will be staying a second night).

For the first couple of hours after the race I said there was "no way I would do that again" but by the next day we were all talking about "next year" and we realized what we were saying. Soooo, as it turns out I am a runner. Not a very good one, but who cares. I finished and I wasn't even last (5th from last) and a whole bunch of people dropped out altogether so I feel pretty good about that.

2012. practice on more hills or take spin class. get a better swim suit/sports bra, wear a watch/pedometer

happy to be alive.

2011-07-24T07:57:00.003-05:00

yesterday i had a booth at our downtown festival. it was extremely hot (near 100 degrees) and no one was in the shopping mood - the people who did come out were basically trying to get from their cars to anywhere with air conditioning fast so they weren't even stopping to look at our hand made goods. I was feeling crabby and complaining that we'd barely recoup our booth fee.

at about 2pm, i figured i should eat something as i was getting sick - it was just so freaking hot - the last thing you want to do is eat. Right next to our booth was a group making rib-eye sandwiches so i bought one of those and sat down next to rhiannon and started to eat it. she was telling me a story and i have NO idea what she was talking about because the first bite of rib-eye contained a great deal of grizzle and it had lodged in my throat.

she kept talking, oblivious that i was beginning to panic as i realized i was actually for real choking and could not dislodge this piece of meat from my throat. i looked at her panicked but she must have thought i was just interested in her story because she kept talking. I tried to cough, tried to swallow, tried taking a drink of my soda. when I took the drink it all just pooled in my mouth and i stood up fast thinking "I need to find someone to help me RIGHT NOW". I looked toward the sidewalk at a little old couple and thought "no, they won't be able to do heimlich" and Rhiannon wasn't catching on that i was choking (yes, i should have done the international symbol for choking by wrapping my hands around my neck but i really thought the gasping sound and pointing at my throat would have done it). My thought was "i am going to walk back over in front of those guys selling the sandwiches, they'll be strong enough to help me or at least call someone". At that point I tried really hard to take a breath and the sounds was awful but the panic was definitely setting in. The old couple FINALLY looked at me and said "is she choking?" and Rhiannon said "what? are you choking?!" At this point i'm doubled over in our little booth area and she stands up and gives me a good whack on my back, at the same time I am able to cough the piece out. It was actually two pieces of meat connected by grizzle so I thought I had chewed the first piece well and swallowed without realizing it was connected to the other piece (gross i know - it was my own fault for taking too big of a bite).

i of course threw the whole sandwich away and was shaking and had a moment where i almost started crying because i was so freaking relieved and scared and emotional. Then we started laughing at the absurdity of it and how Rhiannon was just talking. (I told her I had NO idea what she had been saying the past five minutes and we laughed some more). Gab showed up about ten minutes after it was over and of course he told me i should have done the hands on throat thing and Rhiannon agreed (I said she probably would have thought I meant "kill me now" in referring to her story being boring or something).

After that I really didn't care if I sold anything because I was so relieved to be breathing. The day could have gone MUCH worse. I had stress dreams about it last night and while I was on my run this morning it played through in my mind again, i just needed to get it out.

My new Mantra: Take small bites. Chew thoroughly. Be Happy to be Breathing.

what's new?

2010-02-21T14:27:00.002-06:00

just stopping by to check things out in blogworld.

i have been very busy with my new crafting business. Zombie Food officially launched in January and though right now it's available locally and through it's facebook fansite (zombiefood crafts) (via messaging special orders), it has taken off. check it out if you are so inclined. paypal and shipping to anywhere.

i am planning to create an etsy page in the near future also.

i have a partner in crafting crime with zombie food, rhiannon. she is sewing up the cutest toddler dresses out of old tee shirts. she also makes cuff bracelets from old quilt tops and hand made tutus. sweeet.

this week a cold turned wicked sinus infection knocked me out of the loop for several days. ugh. i finally went to the doctor and told him "i'm way too healthy to feel this bad" so i got a shot (seriously, a shot in my butt - can't recall the last time i got a shot at the doctor's). also some antibiotics (really hate having to take them).

starting to gear up and get plans going for the annual summer party. Video Games this year. i have heard a few people's costume plans and already can't wait for this group to get together in one place.

peace

tie dye cake

2009-11-11T21:15:00.001-06:00

my husband found a recipe for a tie dye cake and i couldn't wait to try it.

quite simple and also delicious.

jude had already stuck his finger in the icing on this piece.

top chef

2009-11-04T21:02:00.002-06:00

still watching Top Chef.

tonight's episode is a reunion show with past all stars...hmmmm, should be interesting.

haha, just realized that was more of a facebook status than a blog post.

might take me awhile to get back into blog groove.

NYR Organic

2009-11-04T20:45:00.002-06:00

So NYR Organic has launched. It has been a bit more difficult to get parties booked (more so than with Body Shop), I really think the economy has played a large part but the real problem is that the month of October was spent pulling myself out of the sadness. I am ready to get the ball rolling and really do believe in the product, the company, and the mission so I hope to build the business one organic skin care customer at a time.

My best sellers are:

1. Melissa Hand Cream: pricey at $17 a tube but deeeeelicious and really performs. Cocoa Seed butter and lemon balm (and lots of other yummy organic plant oils), the lemon balm really comes through and the scent is so invigorating. One tiny pea size amount more than does the job.

2. Frankincense Toning Body Cream: i LOVE the scent of Frankincense but I know it's not for everyone. It's a warm, woody scent like cedar or patchouli. This is a very rich body cream that provides great moisture and strengthens skin.

3. Lemon & Coriander Deodorant: Aluminum Free. Because we now know that aluminum deodorant can cause breast cancer, more and more women are looking for a natural, aluminum free version.

It has been very hard for me to decide which product is my true favorite. I use the Wild Rose Beauty Balm every day but I also use the Chamomile Creamy Cleanser every night to wash with. It is so gentle for my very sensitive skin, I love it. If I had to choose one over the other, I would say Wild Rose is my "desert island" product. I can just use it in so many ways.

www.us.nyrorganic.com/shop/svincent

final death post: the aftermath

2009-11-03T10:36:00.003-06:00

the closer we got to home to harder it was. gab had already told the kids that grandpa had died and i had no idea how they would be. both of my kids are and have always been extremely close to him. Magda used to call him "boyfriend" and he called her "girlfriend" and he would give her the moon.

He would sit on the floor with jude and play cars with him, always taking the one jude wanted and then laughing when jude would yell at him for cheating. He also was teaching Jude how to use tools and because of Grandpa Jude could identify all the screwdrivers and different tools in Grandpa's box.

We picked mom up in lexington and she rode the rest of the way home with us. When we got to town she wanted to see the kids, I was not sure if that was the best idea but complied. As soon as she walked in the house, Magda ran into her arms and they collapsed on the couch holding each other and sobbing. No words at all. Jude rounded the corner and said "aw man, when dad told me about grandpa dying, i didn't cry one bit".

A few minutes later he said "hey wait, when my dinosaur breaks again, who is gonna fix it?" he knew grandpa was the great fixer and was realizing how HIS life would be affected. He continued to rattle off things that would have to be thrown away because Grandpa couldn't fix them anymore.

I looked at my front door with Mel's tools still sitting near it and cried silently. The first few weeks it was a sad reminder and now more than a month out, it comforts me and makes me think of that day he had everyone standing around looking at it and we all laughed about how "many senior citizens does it take to install a front door?"

Jude never did cry about Grandpa dying but the following Monday he cried about EVERYthing else. He cried about me choosing out the wrong shirt for him, he cried because I made his toast wrong, he cried when i took him to school, he cried because his stomach hurt..Easier to deal with those issues than what was really upsetting him I suppose. Magda on the other hand, went head first into her sadness, sobbed uncontrollably and released it. By Monday she was ready for school and some normal kid stuff.

I think I took more of Jude's approach, I'm not much of a head first into my emotions type of woman. I admire those who can do that.

so here we are over a month later, heading into the official Holiday season (and his birthday would have been this month). still sad but not quite as "fogged" over as i have been. the Earth keeps on spinning.

2009 has taken:

1. Mel

2. aunt ruth

3. Grandma Blanche

4. Jill Bane (local young woman who fought cancer for 9 months)

5. Sammy Sartoris (good friend's little brother 17 yrs old)

6. Jeff Roberts (gab's good friend and rolltender only 33 yrs)

7. Hunter Gerdes (10 year old local boy who fought lukemia for 9 months)

8. Kathleen McLean (brother in law's mum)

9. Farrah Fawcett

10. Patrick Swayze

11. Michael Jackson

12. Bea Arthur

13. Billy Mays

14. David Carradine (Bill)

15. ed mcmahon

16. dj am

17. dom deluise

18. John Hughes

19. Natasha Richardson

9/11

2009-11-03T10:09:00.003-06:00

My brother was driving down to be with mom on Friday, 9/11. She was mad that he was not attending Grandma Blanche's services but we didn't want her to be alone down there. Mel's sister and daughter had driven back Wednesday to help take care of her services so my cousin (kelly) drove over from Tennessee to sit with mom for a few days.

I was planning to drive down on Sunday and spend a few days. I really thought that it would come down to helping mom make the decision to take him off life support so I didn't know how long that would go on.

I woke up Friday morning and had a sense of urgency. I needed to hit the road "right now". I called my cousin (karen) who said she would ride with me (the sister of the cousin who was already there) and made arrangements with Gab and his parents to help with the kids. I was in Indiana at the time for a training so I actually had to drive two hours home, repack my backpack and hit the road. It took just around 8 hours to get there. I arrived at about 6pm.

at the ICU, you can only be at certain times and for only half hour increments. I went right in at 6 and told Mel I was there and we missed him and the kids wanted him to come home. He was so frail and had tubes coming out everywhere, he would have HATED that. He had a male nurse named Forrest and he talked just like Forrest Gump but he was very sincere and caring. When our time was up, I told Mel "we have to go now, we'll be back in two hours".

we went to eat and at 8:00pm we went back in. His monitors were all over the place like his blood pressure was not stable at all. The doctor came in and told us that he was "very ill" that any ONE thing he had going wrong with him would put him in the ICU but he had several very serious things happening at once. He did not feel there was anything left to do. At 8:30 I had to leave so I held his hand and told him we couldn't come back tonight but we would see him first thing in the morning. I went to the waiting room where my brother was sleeping and my cousin was on her cell phone. My mom stayed (they let spouses spend an extra 15 minutes). Within moments of sitting down we heard over the intercom "Code Blue: Level 4" and seconds after that my mother comes running out screaming and sobbing for us to "come quick". My brother jumped up and I ran out (no shoes) and she tried to get back into the ICU but the nurses held her back and told her she could not be back there. She just cried and screamed at them that she was supposed to go get her kids, they ushered us into a family room near the door.

A woman came into the room with us who was with another family in ICU and she identified herself as a pastor and offered to pray with us. As she prayed my mom sobbed how "she can't live without him" and "where was Jesus when I asked him to make Mel better?" She does not even remember this portion of the event at all.

A doctor came into the room and kneeled down to us. She said "we got a heartbeat" and my mom jumped with hope. "But...to be frank...it's the medicine keep him alive at this point and when the medicine gets through his system he will likely code again". They escorted us in to his room again.

Mel's two sisters and one daughter were driving down (they had waited until after Grandma Blanche's services to hit the road) so they were about an hour away at this point. We hoped they could make it in time to say their good byes.

We were in the room maybe five minutes when he coded again. Again we were led to the family room. Forrest came in and said "he is likely going to die now, do you want to be in the room when it happens?" and we followed him back to Mel's room. There were about 6 other people in the room. A large man performing CPR on his fragile body and a doctor pushing medicine into a mainline at his neck. Other people reading off stats and doing counts. It was chaos. My brother held my mom and I turned my back and looked at the wall because watching his body jumping up and and down was more than I could stand. My mom cried to him "don't leave me" and the doctor kept looking at her for permission to stop. My mom just wanted him to live.

I thought, okay, I am in a fucking movie and his ghost is floating somewhere in this room. He is watching all this unfold and I should see something. I concentrated on the ceiling and tried and tried to see ..something...but nothing.

Finally my brother who is very stoic and restrained cries and says firmly "MOM, tell them to stop" she replies "i just want him back" and Bryan says "HE'S HAD ENOUGH, WE'VE ALL HAD ENOUGH" so she whimpers "i don't want him to suffer anymore" and the doctor stopped pushing meds and the guy stopped performing cpr and everyone stepped back and we all just watched the monitors go to zero an flat line. I was still looking so close for some sign...a shadow, fuzzy shape, glow of light, nothing. Just a yellowing frail body with tubes sticking out.

My mom threw herself on his body and sobbed. Mel's sisters and daughter arrived about half an hour later. It took mom a couple of hours to be able to leave his body and go to the hotel but we did get her some xanax and made her take two. No one slept much that night and the 8 hour drive home the next day was a blur. Mom rode with Bryan, and Sandy and her boyfriend drove mom's car back. Family friends Donna and Richard had driven Judy and Debbie and I was with Karen in my truck. Convoy. We stopped at a great family buffet for dinner and we all felt "mel would have loved this, the food was good but he would have loved having so many family together even more".

death continued

2009-11-03T09:42:00.002-06:00

soooo....

it was a Wednesday and mom asked the kids and I over for dinner. She and Mel were leaving for southern il for her eldest sister's funeral the next day and then another sister (and her husband) were riding with them to Tunica, Mississippi for a three day weekend.

Mel came out and didn't look like he felt very well. I mentioned this to him and we talked a bit about it. He was sure he'd be fine, he has been unhealthy for years having survived pretty much every major health scare you can think of ( congestive heart failure, colon cancer, open heart surgery, hip replacement, very large hernia, diabetic coma....we called him "bionic grandpa"). When his breathing got labored like that, he would take a water pill (?) and get the fluid off his heart and he would be better.

We ate dinner and when we went to leave the kids gave them both hugs and kisses (as they always do) and Mel took my hand and said "I haven't given up on your door, I'll be over next week when we get back". And off we went.

They attended my Aunt Ruth's funeral and headed to Tunica. According to mom and Aunt Wanda, Mel still was in pain and they told him that they could postpone the trip and head home. He insisted on going on down. He thought when he got to the hotel he would put his oxygen on and feel better. On Friday afternoon, my mom called 911 and the EMTs came and took all his vitals, his blood pressure was fine and they thought if he just took his pill to get the water off his heart he would feel better. He didn't want to go to the hospital (because he was worried about money) so the EMTs left. My mom called Gabriel to ask him which pill was the right one because mel just put all his pills in one bottle mixed up. grrrrrr. I feel a little angry at the EMTs who should have been more insistent on convincing him to go to the hospital for tests. According to mom and my aunt, they were pretty casual and gave them all a feeling that he was totally fine. It becomes very apparent that we start to blame everyone and everything and do the whole "what if" scenario over and over. What if I had insisted he stay home that Wednesday night when clearly I saw that he was not doing well?

Somewhere around midnight, Mel was in so much pain (his legs were hurting at this point) he told my mom he needed to go to the hospital. We got the call and Gab answered it, we were asleep so he was pissy. Plus he was still mad about Mel and Mom turning the EMTS away at noon when they were there. Honestly Mel has been in the hospital so many times and my mom always made it sound like he was going to die each time that this time we thought it was the same situation. After all, he survives EVERYTHING. He was in so much pain and his blood pressure was too low to give him any pain medication so they put him on a ventilator and in a twilight coma to alleviate pain. His blood pressure was almost non-existent like 60 over 40 or something crazy low.

So here is my mom living in a waiting room 8 hours away from home. My aunt and uncle were making trips back and forth to the hotel (which I must mention the hotel was awesome and gave them rooms for free for the duration of their stay since they stayed a few extra days to be with mom). Over the next few days his condition got worse. His kidneys started shutting down, he developed blood clots, and they thought maybe he experienced a stroke. They did dialysis to try to reboot the kidneys to no avail. His blood pressure never stabilized and his oxygen was floating somewhere around 70% even with 100% O2 flow. They talked about "making a decision".

My aunt had to come home to start her latest round of chemo (yes, when it rains it pours) so Mel's daughter and his sister drove down on Tuesday. My brother and I were planning to stagger our visits to mom had someone with her at all times. I couldn't spend too much time because of the kids and gab's work schedule.

On Wednesday the phone rang at about 3:30 am. Before I picked up, I just prayed "don't say it, don't say it, don't say it". It was my mom and she was crying and she choked out "Grandma Blanche just died". So, Mel's mother passed away and he never even knew it. I hate to say it but I was relieved. I thought, whatever energy or strength she had left (she was 93) she would float down there and give it to him. Her services were on Friday, September 11th.

death in the year 2009

2009-11-03T09:21:00.003-06:00

2009 has taken a LOT of wonderful people from us, it's been rough. both celebrities and friends and family.

i just spent a good amount of time reading over my posts from the past several years and laughing about all the funny stories my kids told. i documented local disasters, accidents, and sad things too. i have decided to post the ordeal of my dad's death here (rather than facebook) since not many people read this blog anymore. it's more for me but feel free to read if you want.

Mel Sykes Jr. was my step dad but for the past 28 years he was much more a dad than my biological father (who I don't hate but don't have a very close relationship with either). Mel could have written a book about how to be a great step dad. I was a pre-teen when my mom and Mel got married so I was at the height of my puberty dramatic girl self. I was a total brat. Mel never ever at anytime acted like he was sorry that I was part of the package. He stuck with me and with love and patience he won me over.

It was after I got married and had kids that my relationship with my mom and Mel really grew. I spent a lot of time with them and they both helped me so much with both babies. We spent many Saturday mornings in the summer driving to garage sales. Mel loved to ride with me and the kids to Bloomington to Menards or Sam's Club (he loved to ride the scooter around with Jude and eat all the samples).

Mel was much more than just smart, he was wise. I relied on his opinion and really miss that the most. Many times over the last month, I have thought "oh, I need to ask Mel what he thinks about that" only to remember that I cannot have that conversation with him. I would get the Pantagraph on Sundays and do the first few (easy) answers of the crossword puzzle. Then I would give it to him, he would work the puzzle and leave a few for me to finish (usually the ones that involved a celebrity or song title). It was a joke that I would "have" to finish his puzzles. I have never known anyone as flat out smart and wise as he.

the door project:

A few paragraphs does not even come close to doing justice to the effect Mel had on my life. He loved doing projects, he would measure about 50 times and it would drive me crazy (because I would just eyeball something). He had to have everything perfect and I appreciated that when he did something, I knew it would be done right. The last project he was working on for me was a new front door. True to form, he took about 10 days just to get the door in place. He had to take out the original door, measure, measure, measure, put the door back on because it was late. Then repeat the process several days in a row. He leveled out the floor around the door, put in new insulation and jams and at last the new door was in. Now, to tackle the hardware. LOL, he had my uncle, my mom, and my aunt all standing around looking at it for an hour before he actually installed it. The lock was not working "smooth" so he spent another full day working on that. At last, perfect. He left all his tools sitting in front of the door until he could finish the molding and trim around the door. He was going on vacation and would finish it when he got back.

shark week

2009-08-03T14:43:00.003-05:00

sharks scare the freak out of me but i can't get enough of shark week.

i stayed up late watching a re-enactment of the Jersey shore attacks of 1916. several swimmers were attacked (and eaten) off the shore of New Jersey and the Matawan Creek which the ocean feeds into. SHARKS in a fresh water CREEK?! not any shark but they are pretty sure it was a Great White shark. Holy Crap. I am convinced now that they really COULD get in my bathtub while my eyes are closed.

Right now, Survivorman, Les Stroud is on doing different experiments to see if sharks prefer humans or different animals. Proof that sharks want to eat us.

august 09

2009-08-02T11:06:00.002-05:00

holy august already.

this has been a busy summer. we spent a week at preppygirl's house, the kids all went to a drama enrichment program. they did awesome.

with a lot of help from my mom, i cleaned up and re-did our basement. it is now a great (clean) place for the kids to hang out (our of my hair that is). plus they can get away from each other too. Grandpa Mel put in cable down there, we set up the bar with all of mazzy's art supplies and the futon is perfect down there (where I don't have to sit on it).

last week had a house full of friends. it was wonderful. the john hughes party was a blast, lots of laughing. already planning next year's party (circus/sideshow theme). loved having so many new faces this year and hope everyone comes back next year.

next weekend we have a wedding to attend out of town. i have been dared to wear my vintage 80's dress (that i wore as a costume to the john hughes party), i am thinking that's what i'll wear.

the week after that we will spend a week in wisconsin at the lake. hope it warms up enough to put on swim suits!

then back to school for the kids. jude will start kindergarten. i'm still not happy about the attendance center crap so we'll see how that goes. at least mazzy will still be at our neighborhood school (for one more year only).

launching a brand new at home company here in the US come september. NYR Organics is the very first and only organic home based business in the US and the products are amazing (and gorgeous). you can check out the UK website for now if you want to get an idea of the products. go to www.nyrhome.com (prices are in pounds).

the future is going to be all about reducing the chemicals we put on our skin (our skin absorbs the chemicals we put on it and takes it into our bloodstream).

i'm excited so many of my body shop team members have joined me in this venture. ready to get it started.

random

2009-08-02T10:56:00.004-05:00

len as cousin eddie as sammy davis jr as lou reed. take a walk on the wild side.

allison pre-makeover with clark griswald

smells like teen spirit.

java girl and her hubby downtown

quite late in the evening of john hughes party. singing a little monty python.

where have i been?

2009-07-19T08:33:00.002-05:00

i was gone so long i had to reset my password because i could no longer remember it.

spending too much time on facebook.

looking forward to our John Hughes party coming up next weekend. friends will be here. karaoke will be here. stella artois keg. costumes.

i'm still looking for a piano.

cold july.

dreary sunday.

meme from galoots blog

2009-01-04T14:40:00.002-06:00

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

I opened a store for two months. It was fun, I hope to do it again next year.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't really make resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

not anyone super close. Nate and Laura. Stazca and Luke. Danielle and Paul.

4. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

hmm, adventure

5. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

well no dates are coming to mind so i guess none are "etched"

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I earned the free trip to Aruba. I opened a successful store.

7. What was your biggest failure?

taking the month of december off from my workouts. (starting back up jan 5 though)

8. What was the best thing you bought?

we bought and had installed new basement windows, that was the most expensive thing we bought. the BEST thing was the new MacBook Gab bought for me.

9. Who's behavior made you appalled and depressed?

the people who voted to give the banks a bailout and even more so, the CEOs who profited to heavily from it.

10. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mazzy girl who made ornaments for the store and donated her profits to the Humane Society instead of buying herself a new Webkinz pet.

11. Where did most of your money go?

yeesh, gas for the Durango. Mortgage and utilities

12. What did you get really, really, excited about?

my trip to Aruba. finishing my World Tour of Beers

13. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

happier, same, richer (but not by much)

some of the walls

2008-11-30T21:24:00.003-06:00

clocks, bowls, mail centers, bracelets, shelves.

wine cork bulletin boards, paper angels, pictures of chairs and stuff.

crazy beaded skull that i've been working on for two weeks. it's finished, entirely covered by beads, one bead at a time.

the road is long

2008-11-13T07:32:00.002-06:00

wow, i've really neglected this blog. i am so addicted to Facebook that I forget to check back here.

I was sparring yesterday morning with my trainer and it was my first time. I like it but damn it's a workout. No wonder those boxers are dripping sweat and exhausted at the end of a three minute round. Well, I was channeling the Three Stooges in my mind (imagining I was doing the foot work, etc.) and then I did the 'ol circle the right glove in the air over his head and when he looked up, I jabbed him in the face with my left glove. He spit out his mouthguard and died laughing at me. I was doubled over laughing and the other girl in my class (who was on the bag) was cracking up. It was hilarious AND it got me out of about a minute of sparring because we laughed so hard the time ran out.

I have opened a little store in our downtown. It's very folksy/boho and I love it. The majority of items in the shop are repurposed hand made items like melted wine bottle cheese trays and cuff bracelets made from records. I have a big studio in the back of the shop and have been making message boards out of scraps of wire (picture clips), rusty wrenches (magnetic), and old bulletin boards (cut down into mini corkboards). I am liking them and sold one yesterday so that made me happy.
I have some talented friends who have contributed and I have hair clips made from old buttons, fused plastic bags (made from local grocery chains plastic bags), hand made paper angels and cute little reindeer made from an Osage Orange tree that fell in our local nature preserve. SO much more.
Also some fine art on display looking for a good home.

well, if anyone is still checking this blog....i'll post pictures later.

Poem for Monday the 29th

2008-09-29T19:25:00.002-05:00

Monday, the 29th of September
nothing happened today that i will remember
you began with some rain
you ended quite plain
You are nothing compared t0 the 29th of November.

i have a dream...

2008-09-16T08:21:00.002-05:00

my four year old son told me his dream the other night:

the boy: mom, i dreamed i was mustard last night.

me: what did you do as mustard?

the boy: someone squeezed me onto a hotdog and ate my whole body.

me: ouch, did that hurt?

the boy: nope they ate me up and then i was just invisible.

someone once told me that Freud said when you dream about eating mustard you are dreaming about eating your own shit. we used to laugh anytime someone wanted to eat mustard and say "you know what Freud says about mustard?"
i just looked it up and can't find anything about Freud saying that but they say mustard dreams are related financial stuff. hmmm

i think the boy just had a hot dog for lunch that day.

they're everywhere

2008-09-12T23:30:00.002-05:00

I just experienced a "live chat" telemarketer. I made a room reservation at Super8 and as soon as I hit "reserve", a window popped open with a message that was directed at me. It asked if I was there and called me by name, I made the mistake of replying (because she tricked me and said that because I had made the reservation on the home site that I was going to get $20 off my reservation). "Jessica" continued to try and sell me the Super8 traveler plan or something. She typed that she would just go ahead and use my credit card that I used for my reservation and it would be all set up. I typed "NO" and she countered with more sales pitch. I typed "NO" again and she gave up and said "okay your card will not be charged and your account noted that you declined the offer." AND I didn't get the $20 off my room either.

Has anyone else experienced this yet?

what a joke

2008-09-11T10:50:00.002-05:00

knock knock
who's there
the mayor
you're a douchebag!

chimp directed me to this absurd blog by our local mayor. it's on a site called "one community" and as far as i can tell it's name fits because there is only ONE community on the site. our mayor created this personal site and isn't it interesting that it's "sponsored" by the city of pontiac? hmmmm, something smells fishy.

you can read chimp's breakdown of McDonaldGate here . I would encourage you to click the link he has posted to read the mayor's complete account of his harrowing encounters at our local McDonalds. this guy...seriously, after he berates and belittles the employees several times, he finds that his sandwich has a flaw that appears to have been caused by someone sticking their finger into his bun. he wonders if he isn't getting fair treatment because of his "political position"..uhhh no dude, it's because you are a condescending ass.
he makes fun of an employee (to his face) for not being able to understand and calculate the state tax at 20 years old. yet somehow at 30-something, the mayor has not learned the most valuable lesson of all..."don't insult the person who makes your FOOD." you think a finger hole is the worst thing they've done to your sandwich?

i tried to log on to post a comment but it doesn't work (LOL, irony). i would like to say that i personally think our local McDonald's is one of the cleanest and most efficient fast food joints that i have been to (anywhere). the staff are friendly and clean and though i don't eat there as often as the mayor appears to, i have rarely had a problem with my order. if i did, i would shrug it off because after all these people are working at McDONALDS!

misaligned planets

2008-09-05T10:42:00.002-05:00

it's been a weird week. i keep telling people the planets must be out of whack because things just seem strange to me.

wednesday morning i got a phone call telling me that one of my brother's closest friends had shot himself in the head after an argument with his ex-wife. it upset me because this guy is really kind hearted and i know he has made some bad decisions but i like him. i did find out later that evening that he survived, he shot himself straight up through the chin and while he still has a rough road to recovery, he didn't have brain damage at least.

guns...i've never been a fan of them but have also never been a strong anti-gun person either. i grew up in the midwest, my dad was a hunter, my brother a hunter, uncles, etc.
my brother is "gun happy" and always has been though. It really is a wonder he didn't shoot something or someone (like me) when he was a teenager. He has an AK47 in his bedroom, about two years ago he made me shoot it off his back deck into the pond. I did not enjoy it. I can't help but think, if this guy had not had a gun handy, he would have just gotten pissed drunk and passed out. Of course, as Chimp pointed out, he could have walked in front of a train too.

I've been working out with a personal trainer. It's been two weeks (three days a week, so I guess it's really only been six sessions) and I really feel stronger and tighter. The scale has fluctuated between down 4lbs and the same as when I started, what is up with that? I sweat my butt off every workout, interval training, circuit training, and boxing (which i am loving). I just got finished with today's session and my arms are feeling weak after some bench presses and other upper body stuff.

It's rainy and chilly today. Too dreary for this time of year, seems more like late October. Blah.

what i learned in Reno and then some

2008-08-24T13:08:00.003-05:00

1. flying over Salt Lake is amazing. the swirling agate patterns in the Earth were unexpected and I had to google it to see what I was looking at. A five year drought and salt flats. Hmmmm.

2. Reno is not as beautiful as Lake Tahoe.

3. Mineral make up is the best. (of course I recommend the Body Shop's version).

4. I have some ability with a golf club.

5. I can run up the down escalators without stopping or falling.

6. I still know how to bowl.

7. The air in Reno definitely messes with your head and body. There is no way five beers should have made me act like that.

and then some:

1. your blood sugar should be around 4 to 6 on the scale. if they say it's 14.1 then you are in bad shape.

2. it's a honking sort of day (my four year old declared).

3. an arched window with sunburst pattern looks much better than a plastic sheet stapled in place.

4. facebook is addicting

foreign exchange program

2008-07-28T22:31:00.002-05:00

so stinkypaw has started this food swap. a few of us were invited to participate (the few, the brave, the lovers of snacks, candy, and comfort food).
the idea is to send her sweet treats or some other comfort food that can only be found in our particular area.
i struggled a bit at first because the only things i was coming up with were items that would be impossible to ship to canada. my ideas that got shot down.

Culvers. A fast food chain in the midwest that has the best cheeseburgers ever. "butter burgers." mmmmmm.

steak n shake. another fast food chain with very popular milk shakes and skinny french fries. i rarely eat at the steak n shake but the very first one (which they only recently tore down) was opened in a town just a few miles away.

the horseshoe sandwich. a sandwich that practically every restaurant in central Illinois claims to have invented. this sandwich can really only be found on menus in central illinois. it consists of two pieces of toasted bread served open faced. each slice of toast has a hamburger patty (some serve ham instead), then the meat is topped with a big ol' pile of french fries and the whole thing gets smothered in melted cheese sauce. might be pretty difficult to mail to stinkypaw.

deep dish pizza. i live near chicago after all. i actually am a thin crust girl. we have monical's pizza and the crust is so thin it's like crackers...i love it!

So, i finally decided on two product samplers that i think will ship okay. i'll have to pack them with a freezer pack just in case but i think they'll make it. I don't want to spill the beans of what i'm sending because i'm not sure what stinky is planning to do with the final project. i will say that one of the items is something made right here in my home town. the lady who makes it has a copyright on the recipe so no one else in the world can make it (so she tells me). and the other item is coveted by people across the nation who used to live in chicago and have moved away. it's one of those "must haves" to take home and stock pile.
I am also mailing Preppygirl one of those items since I know she'll appreciate it like no one else.

Now the trick is to keep Monkeybrigade and the kids OUT of my bag in the fridge.

where there is much light, the shadow is deep. goethe

2008-07-03T17:16:00.004-05:00

this was at the museum of science and industry. you stand near the screen and your shadow interacts with the blobs. the kids loved it.

family portrait at navy pier

tagged by galoot

2008-06-25T12:24:00.002-05:00

My ex...is eddie vedder. (of course that relationship was all a figment of my imagination)

Maybe I should... eat more vegetables.

I love... a freshly painted room.

People would say... "who's shannon?"

I don't understand... math.

When I wake up in the morning... i'm happy.

I lost... $200 in Las Vegas a few years ago.

Life is full of... choices.

My past is something... I prefer to block out.

I get annoyed when... my son makes raspberry sounds for 7 hours on a road trip.

Parties are... fun when I throw them. Toga party. July 11th. My house.

I wish... that all my favorite people would come to my toga party.

Dogs... are unpredictable and bite people.

Cats... poop a lot more than you would think.

Tomorrow...I am going to Ikea.

I have a low tolerance for... Katie Holmes' movies, green peppers, filthy rich celebs who want me to donate my money for their causes, bugs.

If I had a million dollars... remodel my house.

I'm totally terrified of... something bad happening to my children.

tag. YOU are it.

my door

2008-06-13T18:09:00.005-05:00

I am part of a group of local artists who occasionally do some group projects for downtown. It's been a long time since we've done something and my ability and motivation was really tested. It is true "use it or lose it."
The "assignment" was to do something with a door which would be placed at various places in our downtown. "Doors of Downtown" was installed today and here is my finished piece.

I really struggled with my conception. My very first instinct was to do "knock knock" jokes (it's a DOOR, get it?) I groaned and then decided to do "Star Doors" and do some kind of Darth Vader type door. I thought about "Adoornment" which led to "AdornAment" and I was going to glue Christmas ornaments all over it. Groan again...I kept going back to the knock knock jokes and that is when I decided it would be clever to insert them into Superhero Comic strips.

Here is a close up of my Incredible Hulk sneezing strip. When it got put up, it became blocked by the lamp post. The entire backside is painted with chalkboard paint and I hung giant pieces of chalk so people could write down their own favorite knock knock jokes.
I'm going to have to make some trips downtown over the next few weeks to see what people have drawn or written on the door. I imagine there will be plenty of profanity and some rude comments, I'll take pictures and report back. That might be more clever than my door.

Backside of the door, this side faces the street.

other doors

2008-06-13T17:43:00.006-05:00

these are doors for our downtown art project. these are just a few of the other artist's doors. maybe i'll post more of them later.

This door was a 3-D piece with a girl popping out the front. Her foot is also popping out the back side of the door. Then it's covered with newsprint. The artist who did this door is my "art idol", joanE ~ she can do anything.

Another door from joanE. This one is funny. It says "Thus creating a false sense of security" and it has numerous locks and bolts along with a peep hole. Just funny since it's a screen door.

This door is from another local artist named Barb. She does these amazing little sculptures and pictures from found objects. She primarily works with white. She did two doors, both with the theme of "Leonar Door DaVinci"

Click on this one for the close up. It's a good example of her found object creations. Several years ago we did a window with the theme "Water Water Everywhere..." It was a window installation featuring designs inspired by Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner and Barb's piece was a beautiful white on white albatross in a shadow box. (My contribution was hours upon hours upon hours of writing the entire poem which is very very long onto a long sleeve tee shirt. I used three shades of blue fabric pen and black marker and made the words into a raging sea that travelled across the shirt and sleeves)

sunday at duncan manor

2008-06-08T23:34:00.003-05:00

This magnificent home is called Duncan Manor and it's huge and old and up until today
has been quite mysterious. It's located far up a looooong lane in the middle of nowhere.
It is so huge that it's easily seen from the highway though and I swear every person who lives around here has uttered these words when driving past:
"I would love to see what that house looks like on the inside."

For years it was rumored to have been part of the underground railroad. I have done my part to perpetuate this myth, only recently hearing the truth (that it was not built yet during the times when the underground railroad would have been effective.)

This home has sat empty for as long as i've been alive. A couple of months ago a couple purchased the house. The woman is the president of the local "Old House Society" and the husband is a contractor. They plan to restore it and make it their residence.
I read in the paper that due to such a huge response from local residents that they were going to offer tours of the home in the "before" stages.

We drove to a nearby school where a bus picked up all the curious people and paid our $10 per person. (The money was all being donated to the Old House Society). They did the tours two days and had hundreds of people go through the house.

In the bottom photo you can see the back of the house and the amazing open air patios between the two sections of home. There is one on the main floor and the second floor. This was the coolest thing about the house (close up photo on wikipedia). You walk from one bedroom out onto the patio and then into the master bedroom. All of the windows (something like 65) were ceiling to floor (10ft), of course they were all busted out and graffiti lined many of the walls but good bones are good bones.

Each bedroom had a massive ornamental fireplace, the doors in the parlor were still in tact and massive. Up the winding staircase there were niches with marble bases (can't believe they were still in perfect condition). There was a second staircase that was much more narrow (the servants stairs) and it went all the way up to the third floor. In the third floor attic (which a very cool room that the new owners son told me he wants to convert into his bedroom) was a ladder leading up to the roof balcony thing that can be seen in the top photo (that is the front of the home). We weren't allowed to go up the ladder for safety reasons.

The couple have said that they are going to offer another tour when the project is finished.

toothless, braless, garage sale

2008-06-03T08:10:00.003-05:00

it's june again and the heat is here. it made it into the 90's yesterday. i'm not complaining about that (yet) though because it's been so cold here all "Spring."

my mom, neighbor, and i had a garage sale this past weekend. i sold a lot of crap...i mean...really great stuff. i cleared out some space in my garage, basement, attic, and closets and that feels good. i'm not crazy about getting ready for a garage sale but i actually enjoy having the sale itself. socializing and chatting with people all day, friends stop by because they see me sitting outside. donuts.
you also get the crazies. this year a toothless, braless woman purchased my mom's lounge chair (the patio chair that reclines) and then she bought a small table because that "would go perfect with it." she paid $6 for both items and carried it off to the end of my driveway where she had her BICYCLE waiting. her bike had one of those kit carriers attached to it and she pulled out some chains and rigged that table and chair up onto her bike and rode off.

my neighbor's husband sat with us for awhile and chatted. he was highly entertained by all the "lovely" ladies that a garage sale brings out. braless, toothless, dirty, scabby, sausage rolls, and yes, even one lady wearing an all crocheted petticoat and matching beanie hat.

we packed up and had a cookout. i played some after dark hide and seek with all the kids and that was lots of fun. when i came inside, i got drunk dialed by preppygirl. she and galoot were in cleveland with her brother and a friend to see kids in the hall. i told galoot that i was the coolest mom on the block (for playing hide and seek) and he informed me that preppygirl was the coolest mom on his cock. Niiiice.

yesterday

2008-05-21T07:41:00.003-05:00

Real Life
spent the day sorting and cleaning out all the junk from my attic. my seven year old was happy because she made a haul. i tossed her several of my old sketch books, a pack of colored pencils, some reference books with animals, and a new in box keroppi the frog diary and wallet.

jude didn't fair quite as well, he only came out of the day with a Batman lunchbox that i had packed away.

i am not even close to having it all sorted out, i'll tackle the rest today and get my garage cleaned out next for my sale next weekend.

i also got my daughter's new fan/light combo hung up in her room (a half finished project from weeks ago). i hung up two shelves that i had found in the attic, one looks great in the boy's room for his favorite cars and hooks for his rubber snake.

Reality TV
I had to stop cleaning at 7pm to watch the big American Idol finale. What a disappointment. The whole boxing comparison was so cheesy and it made David Cook look like an ass (you could tell he was not comfortable with it). David A on the other hand looked perfectly happy to play along.

first song: Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, obviously it's a great song but David C is put at a big disadvantage when they give David A, Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me. I mean come on, that is a BIG song with a BIG payoff. The U2 song is a beautiful song but a much better choice would have been One, it's a bigger song with more power to it.
Now, David A's version of Sun was not even in the same ballpark as Clay Aiken's. I had to go and look it up on YouTube and watched it twice I liked it so much.

My vote for Round One? Clay Aiken

second song: WTF? make them sing the SAME song. DC could have sang the shit out of that ballad but do you think DA could have sang the "rock" song? no way.
Randy says that DA could "sing the phone book" at pretty much every judging, get a new line Randy. He could sing the phone book and you WOULD praise him because the show is rigged.

My vote for Round Two? nobody wins, those songs were cheese

third song: Oh David Cook...I have to agree with simon...wrong song (though a beautiful song) for this point in the competition. You didn't have to sing Billie Jean or Hello but another song with that kind of punch would have been better. David A....why does everyone think this version of Imagine is so great?? I don't get it, I don't like the runs (and joooiiiiinnnnn uuuuisssss) and the tone of his voice is kind of "tinny" not full and passionate as this song should be.

My vote for Round Three: David Cook.

and now....i've got to go watch some more clay aiken AI vids. ;)

Doors and Strippers and Aching Legs...oh my!

2008-05-18T16:07:00.002-05:00

random experiences over the last few days:

The Door
My artsy friends are doing a project with our downtown development group. They asked me to design a Door (kind of like the cow thing). Each artist is going to design a door and they'll be hung up next to the lamp posts downtown. I went garage sale-ing and found a cool old door for $2 so now i have to complete my concept and execute in the next two weeks. I'll post pictures when they are done.
My concept is "knock knock jokes" SO, i am looking for some jokes, leave your fav. joke in my comments and it may make it onto my piece.

The Stripper
had an interesting Body Shop party. a group of nurses wanted to have a foot fun party along with a birthday party for one of their friends. i had about 16 women soaking their feet and doing shots. just as i finished my portion of the party they shut the lights out and and the police sirens whistled.

this young spiky haired guy comes in spouting corny stripper jokes about getting wet and finding some "crack" in her (the birthday girl) backside. he proceeded to "search" her with his flashlight and then did some kind of wheel barrow move on her. I need to say that these women are not young little co-eds, we are talking about soccer moms.

i finished up my paperwork and packed up and snuck out the back door before he got to me (he was going around to all the party guests and giving them each their own little dance....uh....i don't really need to be given a ride on party boy. one of the ladies still there happens to be an EMT with my husband, she told him the next day that i missed the "best" part when he got totally naked. According to sharon, he was very well endowed. UH, that was obvious from the banana hammock actually.

Aching Legs!
Saturday morning I got up early to go with my sister in law for a fundraiser walk. We were walking for the Champions for Children, (the Children's Advocacy Centers of Illinois). The walk was 10 miles and started in downtown Bloomington and we walked all the way to Towanda (I know that doesn't mean much to many of you but trust me, it's impressive that I made it the whole way in 3 hours).
It was technically 10.8 miles and by about the 7th mile, my legs were aching and my will to continue was waning. We were on old Rt 66 for most of this walk so there were no bathrooms or breaks. One of the guys I was walking with (who was from Chicago area) said "oh we are walking on the frontage road most of the way." Gulp, frontage road?? I had to laugh because around here the Mother Road is celebrated all summer long.
Anyway, Kathy and I finished up the walk and met up with the rest of the family at a mexican restaurant for an anniversary dinner for Monkey's parents. We were ready for some cold beers and some FOOD.

This morning I could barely move my legs. Yowza! Give me some advil and a massage.

SO excited about my new grass

2008-05-06T22:38:00.002-05:00

Okay, I discovered this new "curly wurly" grass today and I am loving it.
It's crazy with curly q's.

holy moly paul showed up

2008-05-05T08:59:00.002-05:00

what a surprise i had yesterday when my long lost friend showed up at my house out of the blue.

i went to high school with paul, we worked together at a shitty video store with a tyrant of a boss. then we went to art school together and had some great times.

paul is the kind of friend you love to hang out with because he laughs so full and hearty that it's contagious. you won't even have a clue what he is laughing at but you'll start laughing just watching him. it's awesome.
he had this tom cruise from the 80's thing going so the girls all fell madly in love with him. i tried making out with him once (okay, maybe twice) but it just didn't feel right, he is definitely more like a brother to me.

paul is the originator of such words as "infurious" as in "Preppygirl, you make me feel so infurious." we still use that word today in our little circle.

i last saw paul at my wedding almost 10 years ago and spoke to him on the phone about 2 years ago. i mailed he and his wife a christmas card that was returned so i thought he was lost for good.

so yesterday everyone was outside playing with the kids and doing yardwork, i went inside for something and my mom comes in and says "guess who's here? your long lost friend whom I love." well i said "it must be paul" because my mom has always adored him. paul was in town visiting his dad who was in town visiting his relatives (his dad currently lives in Pa.)

i brought paul inside and showed him my version of the refridgerator song. he and Mr. Social were the first to perform that little number back in college. he laughed at garypetersjr's videos and we called preppygirl so he could say "hello".

it was a great surprise.

diamond when it's rough

2008-04-30T17:44:00.003-05:00

okay, i'm going to post about american idol like it really matters. my love for all things neil diamond dictates that i say something.
i don't care what anyone says, neil diamond is the shit.

i remember when i was really little and my mom went to see Johnathan Livingston Seagull and came home with the record. I loved it. I still love it.

I remember in my tormented college days being heartbroken and driving around blasting "Love on the Rocks". I hid the cassette when I picked up my friend Lee and he saw and it was like "fuck yeah, I love Neil Diamond."

Just a couple of years ago, Galoot and I sang a moving rendition (if I do say so myself) of "You Don't Bring Me Flowers."....i remember all the things you taught me. i learned how to laugh and i learned how to cry...well you think i could learn how to tell..you..good..bye.

As for last night's performances:
David Cook: decent, he's the only one i really enjoy watching anyway. i would have liked to see him do "girl, you'll be a woman soon." think the kids would have recognized it from Pulp Fiction.

Jason Castro: I actually thought "Forever in Blue Jeans" was perfect for him. It was a little low key but that is his style. Sept. Morn was not a good choice. He should have sang "The Story of My Life" or possibly "Red Red Wine."

Syesha: not my style.

Brook: i was really pulling for her but wtf? why would she "i'm a believer"? also, bad decision to change the lyrics from New York city born to Arizona (sorry Neil, don't think you thought that one through). "I am I said" is an amazing song, she did okay on that one. She's very Carole Kingish. Instead of believer she should have sang "BE" although it's on par with "I am I said."

David Archwhatever: I wanted to come through the television and punch him in the face. That arrangement of Sweet Caroline was a travesty. That song should make everyone want to get up and sing at the top of their lungs along with you. By contrast, Coming to America was the only song he could possibly sing (maybe he could have chosen that E.T. song). Most of Neil's songs are sexual and have a maturity that this kid is not capable of portraying.

what i think about...

2008-04-30T15:41:00.003-05:00

the polygamist compound in texas:
i was blown away when my step father said that he did not think the government should have gone in and taken the kids and that they especially should not have the right to take their dna.
i think it's about time someone did something to help those children. it's one thing to say that they are being brainwashed about their religion (because really, aren't we all?) but those kids were being abused. they HAD to take their dna because everyone was lying about who's kids were whose. total craziness. like really..crazy people.
could you even imagine forcing your child to marry a man as old as her grandfather when she is just barely a teenager? who in their right mind could agree with that? i also watched a program where they said that there are many (like hundreds) of babies who die each year in those compounds because of incest and that they are just discarded without funeral or care. so sad for the babies and so sad for the children who bear them.

i am not however completely against polygamy. i'm not certain that i personally could live in a multiple marriage (because i could never SERVE and take orders from any one person) but i can see the appeal of having more than one mom and wife.

Muslim woman (defendant) suing judge who ordered her to remove her veil in court:
general law trumps religious laws. sorry about your luck lady, if your religion is that important to you then move somewhere that does not have laws that conflict with your religious beliefs. i feel the same about pretty much all of those "politically correct" lawsuits. again. general law trumps religious laws. they can't create a different set of laws for every person and what they believe. some people believe in human sacrifice as part of their religion...are we going to create a new set of rules for them?

Reverand Wright:
wow, hope all of you who were arguing with me about him can now see that he really is a hateful man. he said that what barack was doing was "just politics." isn't baracks entire campaign about him not being a typical politician? woah, he pissed off obama. hilarious. it's like wright didn't like being dissed and had to have the last word or something. his ego was wounded. i guess the chickens are coming home to roost. (seriously, what does that mean anyway? why is it bad to have your chickens come home?)

price of gas:
holy shit! it took $90 to fill my tank last week. it's like having a freaking boat! i'm so glad that the weather is getting nice and we can get out the bikes and start walking again.

that boy!

2008-04-27T08:58:00.003-05:00

yesterday my boy turned four years old.
we had a party. it was fun.
he is SUCH a boy. he was walking around with a battery operated screwdriver (toy) and was randomly "screwing" objects (like the couch, the floor, the chair). and then...

aunt kathy: wow jude, that's a cool screwdriver
jude: hey, ya want me to screw your boobie?

the funniest part is that later in the kitchen, we were laughing about it and kathy remarked (in front of her husband), "i don't think i've ever had my boobie screwed." all eyes went to uncle chimp and he just said "no comment."

aruba

2008-04-21T15:35:00.003-05:00

dang, blogger is not letting me upload pictures right now. i have some posted on my other blog if you want to check them out.

i went snorkeling and saw some nice fish. it was calm and about 10 ft deep. then they put us back on the catamaran and took us out where it was about 60 ft deep. we got to see a shipwreck, it was very cool. the waves were a bit daunting and the water colder but it was exciting.
when everyone was back on the ship, they had an open bar and some island music. people were dancing and having a good time.

i went parasailing. it was very very very windy. the first time a gust of wind caught my shoot and swung me sideways was a little scary. i kept picturing the rope snapping and flying off to Venezuela. i was able to look down and see about 5 sea turtles below me, that was pretty cool.

chowder, goat soup, lobster tail, lots and lots of rum drinks, island music, sand, heat, wind, casinos, jackpots, more rum drinks, dancing, lizards, adventure, fun, friends.

can't wait for next year's trip...anyone want to come with me? i'm tired of earning the trip alone.

later gator.

top chef

2008-04-03T09:10:00.002-05:00

okay, so even after my tipsy phone calls, i managed to stay up and watch the repeat of Top Chef.

i missed the quickfire though....i'm sure it will be on bravo sometime this week.

the elimination challenge was food that tied into a movie. because they had guest judge Richard Roper (chicago movie critic).

i was surprised by the willy wonka food. they said it was really good but i would have thought more whimsical and a lot more chocolate but at least they played up the "fizzy lifting drink."

i thought of preppygirl when the one team did A Christmas Story. chinese christmas dinner.

I really thought that most of the teams chose odd movies and the link from their food to the movie was weak (i mean, really, making beef and saying it was inspired by Top Secret??). It got me to thinking about what movie I would do and I have a list:

1. my first thought was Under the Tuscan Sun and I would make some kind of olive dish
2. Silence of the Lambs: duh..Lamb and favre beans
3. Lady & the Tramp: spaghetti and meatballs (too corny?)
4. Ratatouille
5. Soylent Green (could be a pesto sauce of some sort) would be funny to plate it with different shapes of pasta to make a person.

care to add any to the list?

btw. the dude who packed his knives has so far been pretty forgettable so no surprise that he got Das Boot.

he is a star

2008-04-01T16:04:00.003-05:00

so my son's first commercial is airing now. we finally got to see it and he looks adorable.

we happened to have been eating in a local restaurant where my son LOVES the pancakes (does not matter what time of day it is, he gets the pancakes). this was back in february i think. Anyway...we walked in and a film crew was in there making a commercial. We sat to down to eat breakfast and the film crew spotted our animated little diner and asked if they could film him

he took direction very well. they said take a bite of your pancake and he did. they said now look at the camera and give us a thumbs up which he did. of course he opened his mouth and showed off the chewed up pancake when he did it....ah...3 year olds.

they filmed him for a little bit and that was it. on my last visit to the restaurant, the owner said "jude is going to be in the commercial and it's airing soon." i asked what channels and he said FoxNews, HGTV, and ESPN. Of course not nationally but I was thinking it would be on our local cable access channel only.

then yesterday monkey's mom called and said she just saw him on tv. so i kept the tv on fox news all afternoon and finally saw it. I yelled for the kids to come in and watch. Magda laughed and jude had the biggest grin watching himself on tv. They ended up getting him just eating and looking out of the corner of his eye with a sly grin on his face. Super cute.

Later last night...i heard an argument erupt in the other room. "JUST 'CUZ YOU GOT YOUR OWN COMMERCIAL, YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS YOU KNOW!" my daughter yelled. She continued to say "YOU'RE NOT EVEN THE STAR". she is a little jealous of her baby brother.

cinderella story

2008-03-26T10:21:00.003-05:00

did i mention that i'm gong to aruba in a couple of weeks? my free (earned) body shop incentive trip is coming up april 14th. i'm ready to get away but have started having those doomsday plane crash nightmares.
now, i've blogged about it so if my plane crashes, everyone can say "oh, she had a premonition that this would happen." except that i have this anxiety every single time i travel (by car, by plane, train, boat, doesn't matter). do all moms have this fear? dying would really suck, not so much for me because i'll be dead but for my kids because a step mom would surely fuck them up.
it's common knowledge that step moms are evil bitches.

i'm still doing the fargin elliptical. on the advice of someone who is physically active, i am "switching it up". this was the conversation:

me: i've got to go to the rec center and do the elliptical. it sucks.

him: you should try jogging

me: jogging is not an option for a large breasted mother of two. gravity is not my friend.

him: T.M.I. (we are not really "friends" more like co-workers)

me: really, i've been doing the elliptical at least 4 days a week, 40 minutes at 60 RPM. every single second of it sucks and i have not lost one pound in 5 weeks.

him: you are doing it too much. you've got to switch it up. seriously, when is the last time you were physically fit?

me: *thinking*.....*thinking*.....uh...never.

so, i've started walking the track every other day for one hour (I try and do 4 miles in that hour but it's hard to keep up that pace on a track, I find that I slow down unless I have another person on track going the same speed and I can follow their pace).
Today is an elliptical day. Ugh.

I'm waiting for Monkey to put the Les Mis soundtrack on my IPOD so that I can pretend that I am Cosette on Broadway.

Mr. E. Bunny

2008-03-22T12:02:00.005-05:00

EASTER EGGS.

I put the eggs in the fridge until Sunday morning (when the E.bunny will hide them and then I will turn them into deviled eggs for dinner). I found a note laying on top of them later. It had a colorful drawing of an easter egg and the note said
"Hi Ester bunny. I am Mazzy. I hope you find us. Pleese don't hurt my cats."

the space wanderer

2008-03-14T11:51:00.003-05:00

about 15 years ago, i loaned my copy of the very hard to find "Venus on the Half-Shell" book to a friend out of state. This book was supposedly penned by Kilgore Trout who was one of Kurt Vonnegut Jr.'s characters throughout many of his books.
In actuality, a man by the name of Farmer wrote the book (with Vonnegut's permission though he later regretted it). The book has become a thing of legend with most people not believing it's even a real book until they see a copy for themselves.

i had several conversations with the friend who i had loaned the book to and it seemed that he had loaned it to someone else and that person loaned it to someone else and so on. the book was gonesville in my mind. Not a big deal, sure I would have liked it back but I wasn't pining for it or anything like that.

today i got an unexpected surprise in the mail. i couldn't even imagine what was in the yellow envelope from my friend N8. I was thinking it might be old photographs or artwork or something and then there it was. Venus on the Half-Shell.

i'm going to start re-reading it tonight.

pointing out the obvious

2008-03-13T11:45:00.002-05:00

so, here is a clip from Obama's preacher.
if you don't want to watch it (and i don't blame you), the gyst of it is that he (Jeremiah Wright) is ashamed of black people who aren't voting for Barack Obama because he is the ONLY candidate who "understands" the plight of the poor black man. What frustrates me about this the most is that Geraldine Ferraro was called a racist for saying that Barack is only as far as he is because he is black. By this preachers own rants, he is saying that ALL black people should vote for Barack simply because he is black. Who is the true racist? In my opinion, she just called it like it is.
I am very concerned that if Barack is elected president this type of man is going to be where he gets his "spiritual" guidance.

Also in regards to this man's sermon...why does he think Hillary has had it so easy? It hasn't been that long since women have had equal rights to white men either. Women still don't have equal pay for equal work and there is most definitely still a double standard. WTF? I'm not out preaching that all women should be ashamed of themselves if they "just don't get it" and are not supporting our "sister".

If Barack doesn't reject this man, will you still vote for him? Is it a fair statement that if Hillary can be called a racist because of what Geraldine said, then Barack himself is a racist because of what his people said? I'm still really trying to think this through. Like I said in the beginning, there isn't much difference between Hillary and Barack's policies and ideas and I would have been fine with either of them (though leaning toward Hillary) but as time has gone on, my instincts towards Barack have told me that he is not the right man at this time. As much as I hate to say this, if he wins the nomination ~ I'll be voting for McCain. (not that it matters since I live in freaking Illinois).

a whole new set of fantasies for my workouts

2008-03-10T08:35:00.003-05:00

we went to the home show to get some ideas for future home remodel projects. i was glad that monkey went with me (usually i go alone) because he could get some ideas and start thinking about remodeling in a more concrete way.
speaking of concrete (nice segue, i know), one of the booths that really caught our eye was the concrete sinks and counters. a couple of guys started this business and the examples they had at the show were gorgeous. the sinks are very cool though i think a bit impractical because of the shallowness of the basin. we took their card and will definitely get an estimate when we are ready for countertops.

i was very drawn to the outdoor patio areas. the stacked brick retaining walls, the paver patio, the outdoor kitchens....ah to dream.

the most serious inquiry we had was for installing a geothermal heating/cooling system in our house. i think we are going to this fairly soon (summer maybe). its quite expensive, we haven't had our own estimate done but heard around $17K for the whole shebang. BUT, that money will be completely recouped within 5 years off gas and electric bills. one point the brochure made that really struck a chord with me was that as of right now if you calculate, you'll be saving between $100 to $200 a month (depends on your own utilities obviously) but that number is just going to keep going up because of the cost of gas and electricity rising. Who knows, in five years you could be saving double that.
so the way it works is that these systems of pipes are put into the ground (deep) where the constant temperature is roughly 54 degrees. it pumps a water solution through the pipes to absorb the heat in winter and deposit the heat in summer. this heats your house to 54 degrees so you only need your furnace to heat it up the last 15 or 20 degrees. in the summer, you don't even need your external AC anymore.

there are lots of other good reasons to do it too but ultimately savings is our big motivator.
i read the list of people around here who have it and i know two of the families, i'm going to call them and see what they think of it.

in other news...mazzy was sick again. her fever got up to 104.8 last night. when she gets sick, she really goes for it. she pretty much slept all weekend, poor girl. we had a nice routine of motrin and tylenol going. she had to miss a fun birthday party at gym. i'm just waiting for jude to get sick now...he's a pretty solid chunk of boy though, those germs would have to be supervillans to take him down.

everybody's doing a brand new trance now...

2008-02-27T10:48:00.002-06:00

i just finished another 40 minutes on the dreaded elliptical. it does get easier the more days i do it.

i was just wondering what you think about when you are exercising. do you concentrate on your muscles and the movement of the workout? perhaps you listen to music and just think about the lyrics. do you watch a tv program and zone out to that? do you play over experiences or problem solve? or maybe you do what i do and go into an exercise "trance" with fantasies.

my fantasies sometimes consist of me all firm and fit in a swim suit (usually a modest one piece) on the beaches of Aruba (where i am going in april). or me shopping for a super cute dress that shows off my fabulous body. but MOST of my exercise fantasies are about me winning an obscene amount of money in the lottery and how i would spend it.

today was a winning lottery day and i took the whole family to the Nick Hotel in Florida. I also flew down Preppygirl, Galoot and the kiddies. We stayed in the most awesome 3 bedroom suite where the walls were decked out with Jimmy Neutron. We played on the water slides all week.
Sometime after 20 minutes of gliding, I bought some property and designed myself a new house. It even has a 3 season room with cat doors and a long screened in tunnel around the garden for the cats to go "outside" without being able to run away or get attacked by wild animals. I included a theater room and my own gym so I don't have to go out in the snow to torture myself on this machine.
After about 35 minutes and 3.49 miles, I decided that if I won that much money I would just go to a plastic surgeon for some lipo and get those weekly colonics that celebrities get.

hey everyone...it's Tuesday

2008-02-26T13:28:00.002-06:00

a tuesday poem

tuesday...
what good are you?
i bought a scratch off and won a "free ticket"
i didn't die doing 40 minutes on the elliptical
i got a small check in the mail
tuesday...
you don't totally suck.

(but you are no friday!)

in a galaxy far far away...

2008-02-21T17:48:00.002-06:00

My son was watching Star Wars with my mom and said,
"is this that movie with Goldenbutt?"

photog

2008-02-11T13:50:00.000-06:00

my almost 4 year old got a "cars" digital camera for christmas.
he took this eerie picture of his sister. i kinda like it.

snow pants

2008-02-02T10:37:00.003-06:00

for some reason blogger isn't letting me post my pictures 8(

yesterday i officially became the coolest mom on the block. I went out to shovel snow from the driveway and took both my kids with me. Bundled up in their snow pants and layers of socks and gloves I let them go crazy in the snow.
The neighbor kids were also out (twin 7 year old boys and a little girl the same age as my son). So, as I shoveled they all played around me. I was piling all the snow into one big pile up by the garage and it soon turned into a "fort." Well, I kinda got sidetracked (from shoveling) building this fort and it was looking pretty good when the kids made teams and the other team wanted their own fort. So, I made a fort in the neighbors yard (just off the side of my driveway), next to a big tree. Now we had two awesome snow forts and we had a snowball fight. It was fun, I took pictures and realized afterward that I had not put my memory card into the camera (duh!!). I got the card and just took some shots of the kids.

I built a third fort. A small completely enclosed one that we called the lookout. My daughter was busy decorating them with plastic pumpkins she had found in the garage. Why? I have no idea. She started making seats in the sides of the snow and putting sticks in like flags, etc.

I was really trying to get the drive shoveled and started piling more snow on the second fort (the one by the tree). Eventually, we realized that it was the biggest and best fort and decided to really make it awesome. So, of course we made a tunnel leading into the fort. The boys were completely amazed that I knew how to make forts and really blown away that I could show them how to make a tunnel.

Before we got to play in it, the boys had to go in and warm up and I had to take Mazzy to the eye doctor (she had to get glasses ~ another post on that later). I left and the forts were looking good.

and then I came home two hours later to mutilation. The boys had been let loose and destroyed the first fort and the lookout fort. They had caved in the tunnel on the biggest and most awesome fort and informed me that they "put in a chimney." (The chimney must have been the small chair inserted upside down in the top of the fort.)

today i am sore. but still cool.

(i'll try and post the picts tomorrow if blogger will let me)

first time for everything

2008-01-30T11:59:00.000-06:00

i heard a thud and then crying. it was my three year old boy and his cry was unusual. it wasn't the fake cry he does when his sister has taken something from him. it wasn't his loud "i just hurt myself really bad" cry, and it wasn't his whining "i'm tired and everything is pissing me off cry".

instead it was a whimpering sort of catching his breath type of cry. i went into his room to see him holding his crotch and rocking back and forth while crying and saying "i hurt myself. i hurt myself".

i asked my daughter (who was standing next to the bed) what happened since it was obvious he could not articulate at that moment. she informed me that he was trying to climb over the end of the bed and one foot slipped and he fell onto the bed post. Hmmmm. so he racked himself.

my poor little baby boy, his first time injuring the "family jewels." I'm sure it won't be the last.

do this dance

2008-01-28T10:10:00.000-06:00

so at the family birthday party for mazzy we had the usual crew. we did the singing of bday song, blowing out of candles and eating of cake. monkey's parents always make HOME MADE ice cream and it's always delish.

chimp was in the kitchen with "fem-monkey" and a few other people and they were playing with jude boy who was going a little crazy. He gets pretty worked up when he has an audience and LOVES his uncle chimp.
so jude starts doing some crab walk like dance and chimp says to him
chimp: that's pretty cool. what do you call that?
jude: oh, that's just the "itchy cock" dance.

i asked him the next day what that crazy dance was called again and he told me the "itchy poooodle". that's better.

she's seven

2008-01-24T09:07:00.000-06:00

my girl turned seven yesterday.

seven!

time.....

i made heart shaped cupcakes and piped on the frosting (lots of it). i took them to school for her and when i picked her up she said that the kids thought the cupcakes were "wickedly awesome."

we are having a party for her on saturday but let her open a few small items we got for her at Claire's.

one of her dolls has a sleep outfit and it came with a sleep mask. i have found her asleep in bed with this sleep mask on and it's cutting off circulation in her cheeks. So, we picked out a new sleep mask for her. Last night i went up to bed and checked on her as usual. she had fallen asleep in my bed so i went to move her to her room. when i pulled the covers back and she rolled over, i starting cracking up laughing because she had the new sleep mask on and it's got a realistic looking photo of a cat's eyes on it.
i tried to find a photo online of the exact one and can't find it. i'll take a picture of her tonight while she's sleeping. it's hilarious.

in other news:
it's FREEZING here. i think it was 8 below this morning. ugh. january sucks.

disaster area

2008-01-10T11:05:00.001-06:00

So, our town has been declared a disaster area. The photo shows our junior high school. Our house is about one block away from where the flood waters reached so we are pretty lucky (so far). We have some seepage in our basement but no standing water. Our sump pump is definitely getting a work out though.
My Aunt and cousin are staying with us because their basement is full (like clear to the ceiling full). They had a wall in the basement collapse and had to have their gas and electric turned off. My cousin just waded home to check things out and said she can now see in the basement because water has receded about six inches. Her freezer and washer and dryer are just floating around.
Monkey Brigade worked with the EMS yesterday helping evacuate people and hospice patients into the armory. That would suck. Then of course he had to go into work at 11pm, back to his class this morning. He's running on fumes.
A woman jumped off the Mill st. bridge into the river and was rescued about two miles up river. She was trying to commit suicide.
A classmate of mine was electrocuted (to death). Seems he was holding a drop cord and slipped into his flooded basement.

..and a new one has begun

2008-01-02T11:31:00.000-06:00

a rocking new years eve at our house this year. for the first time in awhile, i was actually still awake at midnight.
everyone else was snoring away and i watching a netflix movie that i have had for about two months. the Queen. i originally was disappointed because i thought i had rented the cate blanchette movie about the Queen and so i put if off and put it off.
i had seen enough of episodes of Americas Next Top Model marathon to last me for a few years so i popped in the movie.
it was interesting. i wonder if that is really how the royal family acts.....

i heard loud booms and saw the sky light up outside the living room window. yippee, it's a new year.

i have notoriously had very sucky new year's eves. i actually cannot remember one single new years that was as fun as they make it look on tv or in the movies. hmmmmm.

queue the wavy lines that signify memory flashback....
going back to the year i had just turned 14...i was at a party and when the clock struck midnight, this guy kissed me. it was my first "real" kiss and i was freaked out because he was really cute and about two years older than i was. i pulled away and he yelled at me "you ruined it!". oh the humiliation.

or how about the time i drove to chicago to hang out with my friends scott and karen. hell yeah, we were going out for new years eve in chicago. i was 22 i think. i was ready to meet some new people, make out (i wasn't afraid anymore) with some cute city boy, and party 'til dawn. SO, scott took us to some hotel with a bar. It was in Winnetka. Uhhhhh, not exactly what I had in mind. There were TWO people there sitting at the bar watching sports. We left and just decided to drive around until we found a club or something. For some reason, he didn't take us INTO the city, we went to some god awful dance club. It was the meat market Frat boy type of club and Scott was gay and I was very deep into my arty/hippie/weird girl phase. Karen didn't want to leave because she had picked up some dude so we were good sports and stayed. Finally, we talked her into leaving and we drove....and we drove.....and they smoked....and the smoked....and my contacts were drying out and they were singing that snoop dogg song "it's like this and like that and blah blah blah..." they played that fucking song over and over as we just kept driving until the sun came up and he realized that we were in Wisconsin.

there are more but i'm feeling nauseous from memories....

hope you all had fun times and rocking hang overs.

charity

2007-12-20T13:12:00.000-06:00

when i'm daydreaming about being extremely wealthy, one of the things i always think would be cool to do is to just randomly give people money. i would over tip, i would say "keep the change", and i would pay for other people's checks at restaurants.
i think about when i was in college and how if i found $5.00 in a pair of jeans then i got all excited. i just read stinkypaw's post on what she is doing for the homeless in her city and it got me to thinking...
how much do i need to have before i can do this? really? i am NOT extremely wealthy but we do okay. i own designer bags and drive a nice vehicle (when it gets repaired from the deer hit). i have spent money on stupid things. i have "wasted" money. how much do i have to have before i can feel charitable?
i donate Body Shop and tie dyes to local benefits and i buy girl scout cookies. i purchase raffle tickets to help out the latest cancer victim's medical bills and i give my clothes (the ones that don't sell on my garage sale) to the Salvation Army.
all of those things offer me something in return...so is it really charity?

i'm going to start truly GIVING. last night i gave my pizza delivery guy a $16.00 tip. he is a young guy who is always friendly. it felt good to say "keep the change" and to see the smile on his face. i realize that $16 isn't going to pay off any of his bills but hopefully it made him feel appreciated.
i'm also going to take a page from stinkypaws book and stop by our local food pantry to find out what items they need and i'm going to GIVE it to them.

finally, last night i was at my in-laws house with my six year old. monkey's parents are in St. Lucia visiting his sister and brother in law (the one who just finished the sailing race). they had purchased all new bedding and curtains, painted the walls, and cleaned the drapes and carpets while they were gone. so she asked me and gab's other two sisters to stop by and kind of put things back together for them as a Christmas present. i got there early with Mazzy and she was helping me make the bed and she said to me:
"mom, you know what i love about this time of year?" and I said "presents?" and she said "nope, it's people helping each other."

WTF!!

2007-12-12T18:39:00.001-06:00

seriously, i got over 25 spam emails today. did anyone else experience an increase in spam today? m*f*ers.

a boat race

2007-12-07T19:53:00.001-06:00

Monkey has a sister who is married to a British doctor, Andrew. They live in Scotland and do things like sail on the open sea.
Andrew and his father and a couple of other guys recently set sail from the Canary Islands headed to St. Lucia with about 250 other boats as part of the ARC (Atlantic Rally for Cruisers) race.

Each boat has daily logs and some submit photos. It is very interesting to me and I check the log frequently to see what's going on with them. The little blurbs often are of funny things that have happened on board or of particularly rough seas and the aftermath. A couple of boats helped aid in rescues at sea of other boats (not part of the race) who needed help.

Today I read about a crew who were fishing and had a giant tuna on the line. It dived suddenly and they couldn't figure out what was going on until they reeled it in and found that while it was on the line it was being attacked by a shark. Wow, here is a photo of the missing tail fin and the giant bite taken out of it.

If you're interested in reading more, please check it out.

the aftermath

2007-11-20T08:15:00.000-06:00

my insurance adjuster called yesterday for the details. she said almost every call she's getting this past week is for deer hits. A guy up in Michigan was driving a van and hit a deer, it flew through the windshield and killed him.

i am thankful that my hit was pretty minor. I also found out that I have zero deductible so it won't cost me anything (maybe higher premiums ultimately i guess) but nothing out of pocket to fix it.

Talking with some of the guys in the pressroom last night (all "country" boys who have their own deer experiences) and one asked me if my air bag deployed. It hit me that it had not and I wondered at what impact it would deploy. I hit this deer going about 40mph straight on. My insurance adjuster also asked which headlight was out and I said "neither" then realized I never checked. Of course I was on back roads with no other light source so I think it's safe to assume they are fine otherwise I would have noticed (I would hope).

The guys also asked me if i called the police to file a report. "uhhhh, no. Was I supposed to?" Honestly it never occurred to me to call the police. I was fine, no other people were involved, the deer was not in the middle of the road. I didn't even consider that my insurance company would not believe me. If they fight it, they can do DNA testing of the embedded fur and deer hide left in my grill, i'm pretty sure it's proof enough.

Oh Deer!

2007-11-17T07:45:00.000-06:00

I perpetrated a hit and run last night.

I was driving home from a Body Shop party. I was about two hours away from home on a back two lane road, it was about 10pm. It's not uncommon to hear stories this time of year about people hitting deer but it had never happened to me, until last night.
I had been really keeping my eyes open for deer because it's hunting season and it drives them out of the woods. It sucks to drive anywhere at night this time of year.
The road had been pretty deserted with only a few cars here and there and as I was entering the little town of Havana I took my car off cruise to slow down for the speed limit through town. A car was coming toward me and then I saw the deer right at the side of the road. I estimated (correctly) that I would meet the deer and the car at the same time so I did the odds in my head on what would be the best course of action. It truly is amazing how many thoughts go through your head in a second or two.
I knew I could not swerve. I knew I couldn't brake in time, so I was wondering if it would better to let the deer hit my side or hit it straight on. I braked hard and it jumped right in front of my SUV. I am very thankful I was driving the Durango because if I'd been in the car, it would have came through the windshield for sure.
I slammed head on into the huge deer and it was a very jarring and emotional moment. The poor deer slid on it's side across the road away from the truck. I drove on and called Monkey who was just getting ready for work (3rd shifter). I was shaken and mostly worried that I had really damaged the truck and wouldn't be able to get home. I kept hearing a scraping sound from the tire and I knew something was wrong.
The car in the other lane passed me and I saw in my rear view mirror that it braked and slowed, I presume to make sure I didn't need help (thanks buddy).
I kept driving because I was only about two miles from a gas station in Havana and the road was dark and creepy. I pulled into the station and got out to look at the damage. The entire right side of the grill was forced in and the bumper was cracked and hanging down. I discovered the broken bumper was scraping against the tire so I pried it up so I could keep driving. Deer guts and fur clung to the smashed in grill. Sadness.
Monkey called into work and said he'd be late and set out to meet me half way just in case the car overheated or the tire blew or something crazy. When we met up at a gas station in Bloomington, he was able to take the grill completely out since it was just barely in place. He followed me home and everything was fine.

I have to call the mechanic and insurance agent today if I can. Can wait to hear the damage (to my bank account). Yeesh. I am very glad that my kids weren't in the car. Although I wasn't hurt, seeing that would have broken my daughter's heart. She is very emotional and empathetic (which is awesome). She refused to play with the star fish I brought her from Hawaii when she learned it was once alive. She tried to bring it back to life by putting it in the bathtub. I can't even imagine how traumatized she would be by seeing her mother slam into a beautiful deer and sending it's limp carcass flying across the road. Small favors.

So to all who live in deer infested areas, please drive carefully.

not afraid to admit i poop

2007-11-14T12:55:00.000-06:00

i recently spent a few days visiting galoot and preppygirl (and the other jamestonian bloggers).

i had a body shop booth at the local fair (which is awesome, wish we had one around here that big). well, I had to poo while I was manning my booth.

I sought the "out of the way" potty. I flushed but it remained. I won't go into great detail of the item itself but it would not flush. TEN times I flushed and it refused to go down. I was forced to leave it. Seriously, how long could I stand there before someone came in and realized it was mine.
(A funny episode of Extras had Andy's manager attempting to use a whisk.)

I went wandering and some local hair salon was there and they wanted me to sit down and they were going to "rock out" my hair. Whatev, there was mention of a faux hawk which I actually would have liked but the guy was just putting stuff in my hair and standing it straight up. I had to go back to the bathroom to see what he had done and could not resist checking the stall with the unflushable turd.

Of course it was still there. I gave it one more flush and down it went. I was relieved.

Later that night at the Wine Celler while recounting this story to my girlfriends, I had made the comment that I should have taken a photo with my new digital camera. This led to my coffee table book idea "Crapbooking" (mr. social later suggested Volume Number Two). I said the subtitle could be "people really do buy all kinds of shit." Or possibly, "you can never have too much shit"

at any rate...i am a girl. i do poop. occasionally i clog a toilet. i may need a support group.

things i read in the paper today

2007-10-19T10:41:00.001-05:00

so, we all now have to fear the "superbug". great. flesh eating infections and drug resistant viruses.

also, i didn't read this in today's paper but a few weeks ago: some kid who was swimming in Lake Havasu got a brain infection and died. Evidently this bacteria lives in warm, lake water. A family was playing in the water and one of the sons (I think he was around 13 years), got water too far up his nose. A week later he had a headache and died at the hospital from this incurable infection. The paper made it seem like this was a fairly common bacteria and several people a year die from this. CRAZINESS. I certainly wouldn't be tubing in that water!

Also in today's paper: some black dude was having a "sexual chocolate" and "sexual caramel" party and only light skinned black women were allowed in. He couldn't understand why that was offensive to people.

Evidently, the large Transformer Bumblebee ($99) is one of the hot MUST HAVE toys for Christmas this year. Also on the list: Hannah Montana doll with stage, laughing Elmo (back for a second year), Aquadots, and Barbie MP3 player. Get em while they're hot.

We have watched Transformers at least 5 times since it came out Tuesday. I finally let my neighbors borrow it so we wouldn't have to put it in again today. I'm sure we'll be looking for that Bumblebee toy for Christmas.

Bob Dylan and Elvis Costello are playing a show locally this weekend. Tickets are available for $39 to $59 a pop. I'd consider going but I have a Body Shop party.

what's new in la la land

2007-10-11T15:19:00.000-05:00

it's 60 degrees in my house and monkey said "no" to turning on the heat. my fingers are c c cc cold. i can practically see my breath.

anyway, two days ago it was in the 90's.

this weekend starts my hectic schedule with Body Shop parties (9 total) and press checks and i'm only one month away from my trip to new york to see preppygirl and co.

time flies.

my son is still obsessed with the local pizza place that burned down. he mentions it at least once every single day and the place burned more than a month ago.

jude (to a random adult friend of mine at a store): joe's pizza place burned down

friend: yes, i heard that

jude: i'm going to be a fire fighter when i grow up

friend: you are? that is so great

jude: and i'm going to burn down a pizza place

i think i better change all the batteries in our smoke alarms.

magic erasers

2007-10-03T14:27:00.000-05:00

some time ago, i posted about how awesome the magic erasers are. i still think so even though i have gotten tons "warning" emails about how dangerous they are.

so, some woman let her CHILD use a magic eraser and this child rubbed it on his face. Seriously, what mother would let her child play with CLEANING PRODUCTS??? I don't think we need a million emails telling us "not to let our kids play with Magic Erasers." Most of the moms I know are smart enough to know that the "magic" ingredient in a cleaning product is going to be some kind of chemical.

I was taught at a very young age not to play with chemicals and as a mother I know to keep my cleaning products in a locked/secure place. I am teaching my kids to clean up, but they only get harmless soap and water.

Now this mom will probably sue and the prices will go up. Yeahhh, it's the American way. Hey, I think I might go digging around and find a product that does not have every conceivable warning on the side and then I'll misuse it and sue and make my fortune. Who cares if i'm mildly disfigured as long as I've got cash.

friday stuff

2007-09-21T16:53:00.000-05:00

i just haven't been inspired lately. i don't know if it's allergies or what but my eyes are puffy and i feel tired and in slow motion.

i decided that it would be a great idea to remodel our upstairs bathroom last week. what should have been an easy pull the toilet out, put the new toilet on repair has turned into an ordeal.
of course if we are going to change the toilet, we might as well change the sink. And if we are pulling out the sink and toilet then we need to pull out the nasty carpet (yes, someone put carpet in a bathroom ~ gross). Well, since we pulled out the carpet, I might as well put a fresh coat of paint....and so it goes.
i live in a house that is over 100 years old so it should not have surprised me that none of my pipes fit standard fixtures. my step dad had to come over and cut and install new pipes and turn off valves (our upstairs sink did not even have turn off valves on them).
now all the fixtures are ready to be installed and the tile is ready to go down (thanks again to my step dad for laying the sub floor) BUT...I am so NOT in the mood to peel wall paper and paint.
the entire project now is at a standstill until I can find the energy and desire to paint.

our new toilet has find a home in mazzy's bedroom which she thinks is hilarious.

oh yes, on monday we put the old toilet to the curb. we have this thing in our town where people drive around and collect things they can use from other people's garbage. it got picked up monday. on wednesday i was cleaning the downstairs bathroom and dusting the shelf above the toilet. i picked up the glass shelf and it slipped down and shattered the tank lid to that toilet. uh...yea...go figure. kicking myself for not keeping the old tank lid. grrrrr.

okay blogging about toilets...aren't you all glad you stopped by to check this out

shell shocked

2007-09-10T19:21:00.000-05:00

Dame Anita Roddick, founder of The Body Shop passed away yesterday from a massive brain hemorrhage. Her obit is here if you want to read more about her.

I met Anita twice at our national conferences (for The Body Shop at Home). When I watched her speak, she inspired me. I had the opportunity to meet and chat with her and I treasure those memories (even more so now).

I also just recently finished reading her book, "Business As Unusual."
It was very interesting and I was just recommending it to a few of my friends over this past weekend. I'm still so surprised and numb and not sure what to think yet.

She made a difference.

Lockdown at our High School

2007-08-28T10:47:00.000-05:00

Situation: Pontiac Township High School is currently under Code Red Lockdown due to a report of weapons in the school.

Background: Most recent reports are that the premises are being searched, weapons have been recovered, students involved are being held, no injuries have occurred to either students or staff.

Assessment: As far as we know, the facility search continues, however students are secure and safe at the school, and the search is continuing in an orderly fashion.

Recommendation: As more information is announced, we will share it, as we know many of you have children at PTHS.

UPDATE:

In an effort to keep our employees informed of the latest news reports and most accurate information made available, we share the following from the police and WJEZ from just a few moments ago …

PTHS is dismissing at the present time. Buses are running their routes.

Grade schools, PJHS and St. Mary’s will remain in session until their normal dismissal time, but their buildings will remain on lockdown as a precautionary measure.

A total of six guns were recovered this morning at PTHS and three persons are in custody.

Reminder … police and other authorities will hold a news conference at 2:30 p.m. today at the police headquarters downtown.

All PTHS students will attend a special meeting in the auditorium at 8:20 a.m. tomorrow.

UPDATED UPDATE:

1.) At 8:30 a.m., a student approached the high school’s resource officer and informed him that he knew that guns were brought into the school.

2.) A Code Red was immediately called. Per the prescribed P & P, all teachers locked students into the classrooms and followed the remaining steps outlined in the policy. School officials and law enforcement were commended for their preparedness and the orderly fashion in which the Code Red procedure was followed and calmly conducted.

3.) Six handguns in a book bag were located within minutes.

4.) Three individuals are in custody. No names have been released because they are juveniles.

5.) Interviews with these and other individuals are still occurring at this hour.

6.) The makes and models of the handguns were not released, as well as whether they were loaded or their origin, pending the remainder of the investigation process.

7.) Remaining students were held in the school for approximately 3-1/2 hours before school was dismissed.

8.) Code Red procedures were practiced at the school at least twice last year, according to the superintendant.

9.) School security video will be reviewed in the coming hours and days as part of the investigation.

10.) There will be a police presence at all the city’s schools tomorrow.

11.) Tomorrow morning’s 8:20 a.m. assembly at the high school will include counselors, police officers and school officials, and will include information intended to comfort students, restore their feeling of safety and their confidence in attending school. Counseling services will be offered to all students.

12.) Charges against the three individuals are expected to be announced once all info is rec’d --- probably tomorrow.

13.) The teachers with students on the field trip in Decatur today were notified immediately of the Code Red, and returned home as originally planned.

conversations with a three year old boy

2007-08-23T11:33:00.000-05:00

me: jude what do you want to be for halloween this year?

jude: a tow truck driver

me: what does a tow truck driver wear?

jude: a hooker

(he calls Mater's tow cable a "hooker" which cracks me up)

mythbusters

2007-08-06T21:29:00.000-05:00

so this bridge collapse has me completely freaked out.

for some reason i have a lot of anxiety about my vehicle going into the water. my fear of this happening is fairly recent (the last couple of years or so) and it's bad enough that i have investigated those little hammer things that break the windows in a vehicle, and suggested to my husband that someone invent some inflatable thing in the roof of a car that makes it float were it ever to become submerged.

i believe that we move toward what we picture in our minds (LONG before Oprah and The big Secret told us to) so when i start to imagine what i would do if it happened, i get mad at myself when my mind suddenly puts my kids in the back seats. "NO, mind" I think to myself "stop visualizing that" and I always finish the thought with me figuring out how to release them and get us all out and safe (just in case my mind really is that powerful).

watching the bridge tragedy unfold and the aftermath was terrible but i could not change the channel. i wanted to hear that no one drowned and people really are able to get out of submerged vehicles (to ease my fears). i saw the cars on the bridge in the water and thought, "well that wouldn't be so bad, they just rode the bridge down and didn't really go in the water." then i heard about the 20 or so cars that they believed were under water and 20 to 30 missing people. stomach sinking feeling.

i was relieved to hear that estimate was high but still sad about those who did drown. i just prayed that they were unconscious or the impact killed them and they didn't struggle to get out and drown with all that fear (especially the mom and her toddler ~ i choose to believe that God took them quickly because the alternative is too much to process).

mythbusters did a show on getting out of a car submerged and it was interesting but of course my mind decided it was a "sign" that it's going to happen to me and i was supposed to watch that show so i would know what to do. i did pay attention. ultimately they said that the little hammers and the punch tools DO work to shatter glass under water but it is IMPOSSIBLE to roll down your window (manual or electric). they said you can hold your breath much longer if you calm yourself down and just sit and wait calmly for the water to completely fill the inside of your car (of course if you have children in the back seat, you should use that time to release them from car seats, etc.). hold your breath and when the car is completely filled with water the door just opens and you can swim up. the mythbuster guy freaked out the first few times and had to be "saved" but then he took a tantric breathing class and put those principles into action and was able to get out of the car with no problem.

don't grab tim mcgraw's balls

2007-07-30T12:56:00.001-05:00

has anyone seen the video clip of Faith Hill telling off a fan who had just grabbed her husband's crotch while performing? i'd link it here but am having trouble.
anyway, it made me laugh out loud.
Faith is still swaying back and forth to the band's music and trying to work the scolding in to her routine. She points at a woman in the crowd and tells her she "needs some class because you don't go grabbing other women's husband's balls!"
hilarious.

BEWARE of lake water!!

2007-07-13T14:48:00.000-05:00

my daughter spent several hours of several days in the shallow water just off the dock while on vacation in wisconsin.
one day she got out of the water and complained that her back was very itchy. i took off her life vest and scratched her back and she kept complaining. i could not see anything on her back or any kind of rash. she moved from me to her auntie liz and begged her to scratch her back as well.
she went inside and showered and when i came into the house she was crying because she itched so bad.

well, we couldn't see anything at all and chalked it up to "melodrama."

in the meantime, monkey had developed these red welts on legs from the knees down. he said they itched like crazy and we all thought they were chigger bites from him walking through knee high weeds in the neighbor's yard.

the next night, auntie liz came in from an evening outside and complained that she had a ton of mosquito bites on her butt. i found that odd since: a. she had been wearing pants b. she had been sitting in a chair and c. since no one else had been "eaten alive" by mosquitoes.

then came sunday and the red spots.
my six year old developed these red circles from her neck to her ankles. each spot had a small white spot in the center and there were probably about a hundred of them covering her body. monkey said "it's chicken pox". i thought that was ridiculous since they didn't itch or hurt and she didn't have any kind of fever or illness associated with it.
i considered that my son didn't have these spots and i didn't have these spots but monkey and aunt liz did have odd bites that were similar.
hmmmm, monkey was standing in the shallow water while he cleaned fish and his legs from the knees to the ankles were exposed.
hmmmmmm, aunt liz was in the shallow water with mazzy and helping jude catch minnows.

i did a search on "lake itch" and a few other key words and found this.

Swimmer’s itch is a widespread occurrence in Wisconsin and has been reported in many other states and also in Europe and elsewhere in the world. There seem to be no special characteristics of lakes having the problem. Some of the finest recreational waters in the state experience swimmer’s itch annually, whereas other lakes may have an occasional outbreak or none at all. An outbreak may be severe, but last for only a few days, or can be minor and last much of the season.

The irritation is caused during a life stage of a flatworm parasite (Schistosome) which lives as an adult in suitable mammals and birds, such as mice and ducks. The adult worm sheds its eggs via the host’s excretory tract into the water. Here they hatch into a free-swimming stage called a miracidium. The miracidium swim in search of a proper second host animal, a particular type of snail. If a proper snail is found, the miracidium will penetrate into the snail’s tissue and undergo further development. After a three- or four-week development period, another free-swimming stage called a cercaria emerges from the snail in search of the proper primary bird or mammal host

Now, monkey is fairly certain that what is on his legs is this parasite and though I haven't talked to aunt liz (or seen her butt), i'd bet money that is what is on her ass as well.

I gave mazzy some topical steroids and some benedryl and the spots are significantly better (both fewer and lighter in color). It may be just from time or from the meds but I know I will never swim close to shore EVER because the thought of these flatworms all over her little body is completely disturbing. I am still debating on if I should tell her the truth about what caused the spots.

should i tell her so she isn't so inclined to swim only near the shoreline? or not tell her and risk her getting them again?

2007-07-09T13:44:00.000-05:00

While in Wisconsin, we went for a pontoon ride one day.
My daughter had made it very clear that she did NOT want to ride on a boat. While she loved being IN the water, she had no desire to be ON the water.
We would ask her to get on the floatie with us which was just off the dock and she refused. She screamed and said "the box says only "four people at a time" and she would have been the fifth. We tried to assure her that it would actually hold 8 people but the photo only showed four. She wanted no part of it. I asked her what she was afraid would happen and she thought it might sink. I told her she was already IN the water and so what difference would it make. She didn't care.

So, we get on the pontoon after coaxing her with how it was a slow boat and Papa would go easy. We rode around the lake and Jude was having a blast, he absolutely LOVED the boat rides (fast and slow) but would NOT go in the lake. He was kneeling next to me at the front of the boat and looking over the edge (i had ahold of his life jacket) but he dropped his sippy cup into the water. Magda completely lost her cool and began crying. "I really loved that sippy cup" she cried. We were circling around to grab it out of the water and missed it. Of course we were all laughing because seeing the guys trying to bend over to reach the water was funny to us. After about three tries, she is still crying and we are telling her "it's only a sippy cup." She screams at us "but imagine if it was a person!!" Then she says "i knew we shouldn't have come on this boat ride."
we finally got the damn cup out of the water but by then she was totally done with boats. We got back to the dock and she immediately jumps into the water (yes, the same water of the same lake we were just on) to swim. ??? go figure.

adventures of Harty and Joey

2007-06-23T13:24:00.000-05:00

Last July, I posted about my daughter's imaginary children and thought I'd give a little update about what they've been up to.
To refresh your memory or for those of you who are new, the following is an excerpt from last year's post:

My five year old doesn't have imaginary friends, she has imaginary "children." I know she has at least five but the two who get the most attention are Harty and Joey.

Harty is a sweetheart and very likeable child. She helps Mazzy pick up her room and shares her toys with the other "kids." Harty has pink hair and is five years old. Today is her surprise birthday (it is ALWAYS her birthday and Mazzy ALWAYS wants to buy "Harty" a present). Her favorite language is French and she is fluent. She frequently gives Mazzy lessons in French. In case you didn't know ~ "maroya" is how you say "love" in French (hey, Harty should know). Harty wants to be a ballet teacher when she grows up.

Now, Joey is the little stinker of the group. He is often responsible for messing up Mazzy's room and once even locked Mazzy in her closet. Joey is four years old and likes water guns and wants to be a watergun boy fairy when he grows up. Last week Mazzy told me a secret about Joey. She said to me "he has big boobs like you, Mom." Mazzy says she loves him and is teaching him how to be good. Joey is in school right now, he has summer school (of course). Mazzy is fluent in "Rubbish" and she learned this from Joey. Joey isn't allowed at Nana and Papa's house anymore after acting up over there and making a mess. I've tried to ban him from our house but he keeps sneaking back in.

WELL, I hadn't heard much about the "kids" lately so I asked Mazzy yesterday where the heck they've been. She told me that they have been on vacation and should be home by "bednight" tonight.
Evidentally they have been vacationing with their Grandma in the woods behind Preppygirl and Galoot's house. I asked if they had tents or a trailor and she told me that they sleep hanging from the trees.
At some point between last July and now, they became vampires. More specifically "tree vampires" as they live in trees (duh, and the fairy vampires live in flowers and the mermaid vampires live in seashells).
She did inform me that vampires are "nocturnal" and that is why they will be arriving home at "bednight."
SO, Joey is a big boobed, rubbish speaking, water gun toting, sneaky vampire now. Great, as if he wasn't hard enough to live with before.

the dickhead lane and dickhead semi driver

2007-06-15T14:26:00.000-05:00

I was driving back from a visit with Preppygirl yesterday and it was hellacious. Pretty much the entire state of Ohio is under construction and just when you get a good stride going and have the cruise control set, you come upon another single lane work area.
So, I was in such a stretch and cruising along listening to Sharkboy and Lavagirl play on the DVD player, when I suddenly realized that I was in the dreaded "dickhead lane."
I am usually a very curteous driver and have been known to wave other drivers in front of me in because I know that sometimes people end up in that lane by accident. So, when it happened to me, I fully expected some kind, easy going driver to make way so I could merge. No such luck.

I had not seen the road sign that said "left lane ends" and didn't realize that it was ending until I was already past the last car in the right lane. You know, you have no choice at that point but to put on the turn signal and creep your way into the right lane. It's not like you can put it in reverse and go back to the end of the line. I didn't try to drive all the way to front like some "dickheads" do, I was only trying to cut in a few cars ahead of where I would have been anyway. I picked a semi, because usually it takes them a little longer to creep forward and you have some space. Well, the asshole semi I chose was like that freaking crazy semi driver from that 1970's movie "Duel." He literally would get like inches from the car in front of him just so I could not get in. I had my signal on and it was obvious I needed in but he would not relent. I tried several tmes and even gave the "please, sorry, my bad" look, like just let me in, but he would rather cause an accident than let me in (and with kids in my car!!)
I was forced to drive up to the front of the line and cut off an unsuspecting girl. I was certain he was coming after me to force me off the road. I seriously was so creeped out that I drove about 85 mph for an hour to get as far away from him as I could. I know there must have been other red semis because I swear that I kept seeing a red semi in my rear view mirror. CREEEPY!!

You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.

2007-02-10T14:12:00.000-06:00

Hey, this is my first avatar ever and it's awesome. Big thanks to Mr. Social, artiste extroidannaire. Preppygirl debuted her new Izod avatar yesterday and I was so jealous, I begged for one of my own.

My conversation with Mr. Social via MSN:

me: I want an avatar
mr. s: you're next
me: hey what about me as princess leia organa?
mr. s: can you send me four nude photos?
me: sure, but they won't be of me

me: i'm picturing the buns and white dress
mr. s: all women do
me: what picture the white dress?
mr. s: yes, all men picture the bikini
(he sends me link of princess leia in slave bikini)
me: uh...yea...can't really picture my face on that image
mr. s: (sends picture of princess in white dress with blaster)
me: now THAT i would totally wear

hockey movies

2007-01-15T14:55:00.000-06:00

there aren't very many movies about hockey:

Happy Gilmore: obviously more about golf
Youngblood: hottie rob lowe and tough guy pat swayze
Mystery, Alaska: outdoor hockey in alaska, russell crowe is very sexy in this flick
Slapshot: funniest, greatest most popular hockey movie of all time ~ paul newman
Miracle: based on true story about when usa won the olympics
The Mighty Ducks: who hasn't seen the mighty ducks?
Cutting Edge: only about a former hockey player turned figure skater. doesn't really count.

any i've missed?

cranky lady

2006-12-17T19:20:00.000-06:00

I normally don't work at the flower shop on Saturdays but with the Christmas season and busyness of my bosses/the owner's schedule, I filled in.
I arrived to find a four page note detailing a particular order that some lady was supposed to be picking up that day. The gyst of the note was what the woman wanted and what we could do and wouldn't do for her. It said "do NOT offer to do the arrangement for her!" She had ordered certain flowers and to save money had said she would arrange them herself so she just wanted them wrapped.

About an hour into my day I get a phone call from the woman. Our conversation went like this:

me: Kim's Floral Gallery, hello

her: yes, who is this?

me: it's princess slea

her: well, i don't know princess slea (said under her voice). do you have flowers for Grace church?

me: yes we do, they are all ready to go.

her: well i have a problem. my electrical is out and i don't have any access to a phone to call anyone for help (keep in mind, she has managed to call ME from a phone). i don't think that all those flowers will fit in the vases and i just don't think pastor will be pleased with my efforts. how late are you open? ( she did mumble about three other excuses of why she couldn't get the flowers and trying to drop hints for me to arrange them for her)

me: i'm here until 1pm today.

her: well, what can you tell me?

me: excuse me? what can I tell you about what??

her: my problem?

me: well, I CANNOT arrange the flowers for you (I'm beginning to understand the note) and I am here by myself today so they can't be delivered and we aren't open past 1pm. You don't HAVE to purchase the flowers if you don't want them.

her: THERE'S NO HELP IN THE WORLD!!

she hung up the phone after that and I was left stunned. my boss called me shortly after that and asked if that woman had been in. i told her about the phone call and she said that woman is always a total pain in the ass and wants the best of everything but doesn't want to pay for it. Thankfully someone else from the church came to pick the flowers up and even he said the woman who ordered them was crazy.

ahhh. saturdays. evidently there's no help in the world on saturdays.

in case anyone was losing sleep over it...

2006-11-08T19:13:00.000-06:00

my vagina is fine and the colposcopy came back normal. thanks for the well wishes from the bottom of my ....heart.
hopefully all you ladies out there have had your pap test this year, if not, then please call today for your appointment.

vagina monologues

2006-10-27T01:18:00.000-05:00

i've had some interesting posts lately haven't i? not.

well here's one the fellows might want to skip (and anyone else who isn't interested in hearing about my vagina)

I had my yearly exam (ladies YOU know the one) about two weeks ago. I know, fun, right?! Well, I got a call from my doctor a week later. Yes the actual doctor left the message not the nurse or receptionist so of course I'm freaking out. She tells me who she is and that I need to call her back.
Well, I call back and talk to her nurse (because at this point doctor is busy of course) and find out I have to have a "colposcopy" (not colonoscopy). WTF? Let me tell you that a colposcopy is a wonderful little test that involves a speculum, metal scraper, black goo, and ends with the doctor shoving a tampon up so far that you feel it in your stomach.
The actual definition can be found here if anyone cares to read it.

My pap came back with "mild dysplasia" and this is the standard test to determine if it actually is dysplasia or just an infection or something that caused the test to read abnormal. It must be very common because first the nurse asked me if I'd ever had this procedure before. "uh...no" and then when my doctor came in she also asked if I'd ever had this done before (she said it in a way that was like "gee everybody is doing it") She said that I have to call for the results next week (now watch she'll call and leave a message for me to call her again and I'll think the worst). Anyway if it is dysplasia then I'll have to undergo some sort of "cryosurgery." Sounds fun doesn't it? NOT. Hopefully that won't be necessary.

hopefully all you women have had your yearly exam this year because this is the kind of stuff it finds and if it is dysplasia which could be pre-cancer cells (if i'm understanding correctly) then i'm certainly glad they found it now and not in five years when it's not in the "pre" stage anymore. So, ladies if you love your vagina (and who doesn't?) then make the call.

Darn that Joey!

2006-09-14T15:50:00.000-05:00

Some of you may remember my five year old daughter's "son" Joey who is a bit of a troublemaker. Well this morning I had a hard time waking up my daughter for school, she was extra tired. She told me that she couldn't sleep at all last night because Joey was up playing his drums all night.
I did manage to get her up and off to school (not a good morning).
She just got home and has huge bags under her eyes. I asked her if she was tired and told her she was going to bed early tonight to catch up on her sleep. She whined back that she "doesn't want any ketchup on her sleep."
I chuckled.

Thursday 13

2006-09-07T14:14:00.000-05:00

Stealing this list from Galoot. 13 words or phrases i can see from my desk.

1. A Revolution in Kindness
2. AMANDE EXFOLIANT CORPOREL
3. Contains 40 sticks.
4. Grapevine, Tx. Permit no. 218
5. Artist As Survivor
6. True stories and tools for activism you can believe in.
7. Greeting from Scotland!
8. OPEN ALONG EDGE
9. Audra's phone number
10. Ultra Chilled
11. Support Community Trade
12. good buddy notes
13. A Story Waiting For You to Make it Happen

I'm a freak

2006-09-06T08:55:00.000-05:00

Some rambling thoughts this morning:

I am still sad about steve irwin and it doesn't make sense (seriously, it's not like freaking eddie vedder [who I dated in the early 90's {in my mind}] died.) I read that the video of him dying shows him pulling the barb out of his chest and there is that moment on his face where he knew that this was a fatal wound. Horrible. People are debating on whether to show this footage or not. Morbid, I sincerely hope no one gets their hands on that footage who would use it for "entertianment" value.

I'm supposed to meet with the Girl Scout leader lady to get information on becoming a Daisy Leader. I actually called about getting my daughter involved and somehow got myself suckered into volunteering. What I said was "I might be interested in getting more information on being a Daisy troop leader." And what the lady said back to me was "great, pick a day you want to have your meetings and I'll make up some flyers." Sooooo, I think I'm a Daisy Scout leader. I have NO idea what that involves or what my responsibilites are. I guess I'll "wing it."

I am still washing tie dyes. MonkeyBrigade dyed them all day Sunday and it usually takes about four days to get them all washed. We can only was about 6 items at a time or they bleed into the whites of the piece we are dying. The text book covers are turning out really cool. Also, we did some cute little halter dresses that look like watermelons. I need to paint on the seeds.

I skipped my Weight Watchers weigh in because I'm premenstrual. I should have lost weight because I did really good at counting my points last week. But no....I stayed the same because my body has other plans. Come to think of it...maybe my premenstrual hormones are what are making me so emotional about my best friend Steve Irwin dying.

Crocodile Hunter

2006-09-04T08:32:00.000-05:00

I can't say that I've been a huge fan of Steve Irwin's but if I happen to be flipping the channel and he was on, I would almost always watch it for a bit. He was entertaining and fun and most importantly he was an animal activist and conservationist. I read that he donated the majority of his fortune (millions) to animal causes and for preservations and that he lived a rather humble lifestyle. It's very sad, this planet Earth lost a warrior.

I found this quote from him:
"These Hitlers use the camouflage of science to make money out of animals... So whenever they murder our animals and call it sustainable use, I'll fight it. Since when has killing a wild animal, eating it or wearing it, ever saved a species?

There are people who butt out their cigarettes in gorilla-paw ashtrays, with wastepaper baskets that were once elephant feet, who have ivory ornaments… who wear cheetah fur.Don't buy these things! Then there'll be no market and the animals won't be killed.

We have domesticated livestock raised for consumption and perfectly good fake leather and fur, so why must we kill wild animals to satisfy the macabre taste of some rich person?"

Oreo Thief

2006-07-30T10:52:00.000-05:00

This is a funny story I remembered from my past.

I used to work as a Quality Analyst at a printing plant. I basically escorted customers (Art Directors, Publishers, Production Managers, etc.) to press and let them edit color on their magazines. As a sidenote, I am now the customer and get escorted by my old co-workers to press. It is a weird dynamic but it really is pretty sweet to be able to return to your old job and have everyone have to basically kiss your ass.
When I worked as a QA, we had a new customer in the plant okaying FLAUNT magazine. A trendy, LA based magazine with a very flamboyant creator named Luis.
Luis was in the plant and he was a self proclaimed "Queen" and I remember he used the word fuck a lot. I thought he was awesome. He told me stories about celebrities he had met and the groupie that I am, I was impressed. He must have liked me because he bought me a bottle of perfume for my birthday (which was the same week he was in the plant.)
Anyway, one time we were out at press and the head press operator (an old timer who's been a press operator for like 40 years) had a bag of Oreo cookies sitting next to his work station. There were only two left and when he went out of the doghouse, Luis sneakily reached over and shoved them both in his mouth. He didn't think anyone had seen him but I did. He lowered his head and continued to color correct as he ate the cookies. The head press operator came back in and went to grab his remaining cookies and saw they were gone. He looked at me and was like "what the fuck happened to my cookies?" Luis said "Don't look at me" in his very flamboyant manner (think Carson Kressley from Queer Eye) but as he said it you could see Oreo cookie all over his teeth.
Of course there was nothing we could do or say since he was the customer but the look on the operator's face was priceless. I was just on his press Saturday morning and we recalled that memory. Kenny (the operator) said he was pissed, he wanted those cookies.

Challenging Music Post

2006-07-14T11:38:00.000-05:00

I stole this list from stinkypaw. It is quite challenging. Give it a try.
Choose a musician and answer the questions using only song titles from that person. I chose Leonard Cohen (who I think is amazing.)

1. Are you male or female? Lady Midnight
2. Describe yourself. Bird on a Wire
3. How do some people feel about you? Everybody Knows
4. How do you feel about yourself? Waiting For The Miracle
5. Describe your "ex". Heart With No Companion or There is a War
6. Describe your current significant other. Dance Me to the End of Love
7. Describe where you want to be. Chelsea Hotel
8. Describe how you live. Be For Real
9. Describe how you love. Hallelujah
10. What would you ask for if you had a wish? The Future
11. Share a few words of wisdom. Don't Go Home With Your Hard-On
12. Now say goodbye. So Long, Marianne

All About Joey & Harty

2006-07-07T10:46:00.000-05:00

My five year old doesn't have imaginary friends, she has imaginary "children." I know she has at least five but the two who get the most attention are Harty and Joey.

Harty is a sweetheart and very likeable child. She helps Mazzy pick up her room and shares her toys with the other "kids." Harty has pink hair and is five years old. Today is her surprise birthday (it is ALWAYS her birthday and Mazzy ALWAYS wants to buy "Harty" a present). Her favorite language is French and she is fluent. She frequently gives Mazzy lessons in French. In case you didn't know ~ "maroya" is how you say "love" in French (hey, Harty should know). Harty wants to be a ballet teacher when she grows up.

Now, Joey is the little stinker of the group. He is often responsible for messing up Mazzy's room and once even locked Mazzy in her closet. Joey is four years old and likes water guns and wants to be a watergun boy fairy when he grows up. Last week Mazzy told me a secret about Joey. She said to me "he has big boobs like you, Mom." Mazzy says she loves him and is teaching him how to be good. Joey is in school right now, he has summer school (of course). Mazzy is fluent in "Rubbish" and she learned this from Joey. Joey isn't allowed at Nana and Papa's house anymore after acting up over there and making a mess. I've tried to ban him from our house but he keeps sneaking back in.

Mazzy does have a few other imaginary family members.
She had a step sister who was killed by a truck. She is buried in the cemetary up the street.
Another step sister ( a teenager) is living in Japan. Her name is "Jaln" which is pronounced "Jewel"

friday

2006-07-07T09:50:00.000-05:00

it's Friday. Big Fucking Deal.

shows I wish I'd seen

2006-05-20T20:30:00.000-05:00

1. the Cure
2. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
3. David Bowie
4. Neil Diamond (I swear I will see him someday)
5. The Grateful Dead's Last show ~ it was in Chicago ~ I had a ticket but sold it because I was leaving for Europe the following day. Damn! I read about Jerry's death a month later while I was in France. Depressed.

top 10

2006-05-20T19:35:00.000-05:00

Stolen topic from Galoot.

Favorite concerts/shows in no particular order.

1. Jane's Addiction ~ it was 1988 and the only song I knew of Jane's was "Jane Says" which is still one of my all time favorite songs. My roommate Kristin had a ticket and decided not to go so she gave me her ticket. Woody's on the beach in Miami. Perry came on stage with pink dreads, and a corset and the whole pit started slowly and dramatically swaying. It was as if the crowd were really waves and I vividly remember feeling as if I would suffocate. I found my way to the bar and sat on the bar with some total strangers just lost in the music (okay, we all smoked some pot on the way to the show). I have seen Jane's four other times since that first experience.

2. Blues Traveler ~ it was probably about 1994 and my friend Scott and I went to Chicago to see them at the Aragon Ballroom. I lost Scott early into the show and so it was just me and the music and I loved it.

3. Peter Murphy ~ holy shit, I love Peter Murphy. Magda and I got so close I was leaning on the stage. Opening act on the ticket was "special guest" and when the band came out it was Nine Inch Nails. Pretty Hate Machine had just been released and NIN was brand spankin new. I recall Trent spitting into the crowd and I got wet. As amazing as NIN was, Peter Murphy was all sex and slither and I'm getting turned on just remembering it. He held my hand and squeezed and Magda and I got invited back stage. He asked where I was from (the show was in Miami) and when I said Chicago, he said he'd be playing at the Metro in Chicago the following week and I should come. I know I said I'd be there and believe me I was thinking of any way possible but I was a broke college student who couldn't just fly home for a concert. I think I'll go put on a Peter Murphy CD right now.

4. The Grateful Dead. Buckeye Lake, Ohio. I was tripping and Magda was selling my t-shirts. It was hot as Hell and AWESOME. I am so glad that I had the opportunity to experience a Dead show. It will never be repeated.

5. Red Hot Chili Peppers at Respectable St Cafe in West Palm Beach. 1988 and this tiny little club with apartments upstairs. My friend Heidi was dating a guy who lived in one of the apartments so we didn't even have to pay. It was Mother's Milk tour and RHCP's were not the mega band they were to become. After the show they partied upstairs at the other apartment with the door open. We waved but why the Hell didn't we go over and party with them??? Oh, yeah, the show was crazy ~ imagine them in '88 on the verge of success beyond their dreams.

6. Smashing Pumpkins at some dive bar on campus at U of I. It was the Gish tour and they really weren't well known outside of Illinois but they were fantastic.

7. Lollapalooza~ I went to four I think, they all are blending together. I saw two at Tinley Park and one at Star Lake. Tinley Park was Beastie Boys and they stand out as a highlight. Pearl Jam too but more because I met Eddie Vedder (who at the time I was having a vivid love affair with ~ in my fantasies). I also saw the one with Metallica headlining (that happened right?). I didn't even get close to the main stage but instead sat at the second stage and watched Ben Folds Five, Cornershop, and Ruby ~ all were excellent.

8. WHF-estival. I flew to Baltimore twice for this amazing festival. Highlights the first year were Foo Fighters, No Doubt, and Jimmy's Chicken Shack (second stage). I remember Jewel walking off stage because someone hit her in the boob with a frisbee. The following year was Beck (so much fun), Prodigy (who are not my favorite band but gave a high energy show), and they showed clips of Jewel getting hit with the frisbee the previous year over and over and over. We had great seats because my friend's brother worked for the CIA and they have their own ticket master (did you know that?).

9. Bob Dylan with Brian Setzer ~ of course Bob Dylan is a legend, he sounded great and I didn't have any trouble at all understanding him. It was fun to watch the Setzer fans dancing. They played several encores together.

10. Ani DeFranco, she's a strange one because her writing is so prolific and half of it is shit and the other half is brilliant. My friend was not yet out of the closet and asked me to go with her, we had fun and when she sang "Both Hands", it was very emotional. It is a great song.

honorable mentions: matthew sweet, seven year bitch, jerry garcia band, and white zombie.

Damn, this is too hard. I keep thinking of other bands I've seen and they all have some special place and memory that make it hard to decide which are my favorites.

I Love Toys!

2006-03-11T10:33:00.000-06:00

So, VH1 finished up their countdown of the 100 greatest toys ever and I have to disagree with many of their choices.
First off, there is no way the slinky should have made top 10, it is the suckiest toy. Really, big deal it walks down stairs. What about the kids who lived in ranch style homes an didn't have stairs? The slinky was boring.
Now, the hula hoop was the number one toy of all time??? Pu-lease, maybe it was the number one toy of 1950 but it isn't even in the same league as Atari or even the freaking skate board. Why the Hell weren't they ranked in the top ten?
Plus, I cannot believe that the Snoopy Snow Cone maker beat crayola crayons. Okay, so here is my list of top 10 toys. It is based on the amount of play I got out of the toy and if my kids also enjoy the toy after 20 years.
1. Crayola Crayons is numero uno.
2. Legos
3. Atari (obviously Playstation and Nintendo are superior but Atari came first)
4. Bicycle (ranks 4 and not higher because you can only play with it half the year)
5. Barbie (I loved decorating her house and picking out pretty clothes for her)
6. Candy Land (I played it when I was little and my kids play it now ~ a great game for toddlers)
7. Baby Alive (I loved my baby and loved feeding her and changing her diapers. My daughter doesn't have a Baby Alive doll but has similar baby dolls she plays with)
8. Fashion Plates (I realize this is one of those toys only a certain type of child would like, but I loved it and my daughter has an updated version with the Winx characters)
9. Star Wars figures (I didn't actually have these figures but my brother did and I loved the movies. I did have Wicket the Ewok and still have him today.)
10. Record Player with microphone (can't remember if it had an actual name but I loved this toy up until my brother used the mic cord to tie me up and force me to break it in order to escape. I really hated him for that. Fortunately, these days I can play with the Karaoke Revolution.)

twenty one jump street

2006-03-08T15:50:00.000-06:00

Just a story about 21 Jump Street.
Do any of you remember when Fox was the coolest channel on tv? Sunday nights were the shit, The Simpsons, Married With Children, and of course 21 Jump Street. I was living with Kristen and Magda at Tropical Gardens in Fort Lauderdale. We didn't have a TV but Kristen borrowed one of those tiny little black and white things and we would gather around on Sunday and watch the Fox lineup.

We knew very early on that Johnny Depp was awesome but seriously who could have guessed about the career he would have?

At some point, in the Fall or Winter (must have been cold in Canada because the premise of the show was that everyone but Johnny's and Peter DeLouise's characters were freezing but those two got to go on an assignment in Miami and the others were jealous), anyway....the show put up flyers requesting extras to show up at Woody's on the Beach in Miami and a bunch of us decided to skip classes and go.

My friend Cindy and I drove together and worried that we wouldn't be able to find our friends once we got there because there were sooooo many people (keep in mind, this was pre-cell phone days). So we arrive and walk out to the beach to start the search. Well, the entire beach was full of beautiful bodies dressed in pastel and colorful bikinis and swim trunks and then there was one lone table with a group of obviously "art" students wearing mostly black. Black hair, black pants and shorts, long sleeve shirts and not one swimsuit in the lot was there standing out like a sore thumb. "Uh...I think I see them." "Gee, you think?"

So, we gather at the "art" table and wait for our moment of fame. I don't think the producers were really looking for that type of extra because we didn't exactly get front row seats when the cameras were rolling. We were however standing toward the back of the crowd and as luck would have it is where Johnny Depp was making his entrance from. So, for several takes he had to keep brushing past me to get to the front of the crowd where the female jello wrestlers were (high class). I was next to my friend Frank who kept standing on his tip toes to try and see.

We spent the whole day there and during breaks we were able to get autographs and bug the stars (such groupies!). Cindy took these shots and got a cute one of Peter winking at her playfully, she was so happy. One of our other friends, Dawn (Frank's girlfriend) was standing right next to me and she is petit and had jet black bluntly cut hair and was wearing very goth clothes and as Johnny walked by he totally checked her out. I was so jealous. She looked at me like "did he just do what I think he did or was that my imagination?" He was engaged to Winona Ryder at that time and Dawn had that whole look going on.

The day ended and we anxiously waited to see the episode which didn't air for several weeks. When it did air we taped it of course. We watched and when the scenes came on that we knew we were in, we looked closely for any sign of us. Not one glimpse. We rewound the tape and watched in slow motion and there it was....Frank's nose peeking out over the crowd. It was hilarious and Frank's nose had it's 1 second of fame and I knew I was standing right next to him so I lived vicariously through Frank and his nose.

Question for a Catholic

2006-03-08T08:11:00.000-06:00

So, since St. Patrick's Day is on Friday this year and Catholics don't eat meat on Fridays and since a LOT of Irish are also Catholics and they shouldn't eat corned beef this year but how can they make up new rules for an occassion such as this?
In our local paper a family of prominate Irish Catholics are hosting a St. Patty's party on Friday the 17th and they noted on the invitation/ad that all Catholics would be forgiven or absolved or whatever gives them permission to eat corned beef this year during lent. It seems very hypocritical (hmmmm like most religions I suppose).
I liken it to Quantum Physics which I also think is total bullshit. Quantum Physics says that any possibility is happening at anytime on any level across the Universe. It makes a great theory for a SciFi show (or two: Quantum Leap and Sliders). Just make up the rules as you go and change them when it's inconvenient (Calvinball anyone?)

Ode to a Friday

2006-02-24T15:21:00.000-06:00

I remember the days when Fridays were great
Anticipation of staying out late
My friends and I would have so much fun
3 am and we still weren't done

The sun coming up, drunken sighs
Greasy cheeseburgers, greasy fries
Saturdays were slept away
No kids to wake us cuz they want to play

It's Friday today and I'd hardly know
Same as yesterday, no place to go
No getting dressed up in my Bratz Doll best
Falling asleep at 9 because I need some rest

Growing older doesn't bother me near as much
As growing boring.

Ah...Friday I loved you so

You don't mess around with Jim

2005-12-07T13:44:00.000-06:00

So about a hundred years ago (okay so more like 15 years ago), Preppygirl and I were driving my little Ford truck from western New York to Fort Lauderdale (a long fucking drive). Of course we were very poor at that time of our lives (like sooo much has changed there right) anyway because we would rather spend our money on beer, stopping at a hotel would have been ludicrous. Well my little S10 came fully equipped with nothing but an AM radio (which I love am radio now like late late night listening to Art Bell but that is another story) anyway, I had brought along a little tape player (remember we called them "jam boxes"? that sounds so retarded now doesn't it?) and plenty of batteries.
I took the first shift (after Preppygirl's dad had to pay to have a new battery installed on my truck~I hope I remembered to pay him back for that), I drove for several hours and then Prep took over. I wanted to make sure she was set with music and snacks so she could concentrate on driving. So, she choose the Jim Croce greatest hits tape (seems she loved Jim Croce as it reminded her of her youth) and we put it on loop and I fell asleep. Somewhere around Washington DC I woke up to Prep weaving on the highway and her hands down around my feet trying to access the "jam box". I was like "what do you need?" and she screams at me "I fucking hate Jim Croce!" It seems that his greatest hits tape only had about 6 songs on it and it had been playing for several hours driving her slowly insane. I still laugh when I hear Time in a Bottle or Bad Bad Leroy Brown. I'm afraid that one road trip ruined old Jim for her.
Several years later when Prep came to my bachelorette party in Chicago, she brought me a little gift. It was a collage of she and I in some of our more "interesting" moments and there in the middle of our picture was a tiny head of Jim Croce.
ah...photographs and memories.

Captain Amy Morgan and the 5th Graders Unnamed Love Story

2005-10-25T21:34:00.000-05:00

Okay my next trip up to the city was for a little play called "A 5th Graders Unnamed Love-Suicide".
I took my friends Amy and Allison, both were experiencing one of Jimmy's plays for the first time and neither knew what to expect. Like me at the Helen Project, they were in for a surprise.
So we drive up and we are on I55 getting close to Chicago and I notice a black trans-am darting in and out of traffic and I think to myself "watch out for that guy". I was in front of him and I look in my rear view mirror and see him drive right into a semi. The trans-am bounces to the left and spins out and goes into the median. Allison and Amy don't see this because they are looking forward and I calmly say "I think I just saw a bad accident, turn around". They turn around and see the immediate aftermath and we all sorta panic and wonder if we should call 911 or what. Allison gets on her cell and dials, the operator tells her she needs to call a different number for the area we were in and we are like what the fuck? Of course we are still driving north so we are now nowhere near the accident. She called like 3 or 4 numbers and finally we gave up and decided an ambulance was probably already there. We have no idea what ended up happening but it was scary to think if I'd been one car behind instead of in front.
Anyway, we arrive at the theater and of course have to go to Charmers ~ the greatest little art deco gay bar located right next to the theater. While we're there I try to explain to Allison and Amy about how small this theater is and what to expect. When it was time for the play, we walked over and purchased our tickets. We went into a small room with folding chairs arranged in a single row around the rectangular room. It was probably only about 6 feet from one side to the other. The actors come out and they are dressed like 4th graders. The play is about the death of one of the students named Johnny. He is killed by a handgun that goes off and everyone assumes it is a suicide. The other students perform a play that Johnny had written before he died. It is really kinda depressing but was really powerful in it's simplicity. I enjoyed it very much.
Half way through the play, during intermission Amy leans over and says to me "when do we go into the play?" I laughed my ass off. She thought the whole time (which at this point is almost an hour) that we were in the waiting room watching some "pre play" skit.
Thankfully after the play, Allison decided not to drink at all because she was a little sick so I got to enjoy myself and not be DD. I still wonder what happened to trans-am guy.

Folk Duo

2005-10-02T11:41:00.000-05:00

I decided I'm going to learn how to play guitar and be in a folk duo with ChimpJones. This is just so we can sing the song "let the mystery be" by Iris Dement. It will most likely be the only song in our repertoire but it will be awesome. We are currently taking suggestions for names of our duo so anyone have any suggestions?

Kids say the darndest things

2005-09-08T19:49:00.000-05:00

WARNING: men may be embarrassed reading this post.

A couple of days ago I am with my family at a restaurant. I take my 4 year old into the restroom with me and make her come into the stall since there are other people in the bathroom and I dont want anyone to "steal" her. She uses the toilet first and I decided I needed to go too. I happened to be wearing those "period" underwear (do all women have these?) and she notices the stain and says very loudly "Mom, you have a stain in your underwear. I think next time you do the laundry you need to use stain remover on that." I hear muffled laughing coming from the next stall and I'm sure that lady is picturing skid marks or something.
Oh the unfiltered honesty of children.

My most embarrassing moment

2005-09-03T15:44:00.000-05:00

I decided to share this little story with you all. It's taken me some time to be able to talk about it but I think I'm finally ready (sniffle sniffle).
I was 24 and travelling through Europe with a friend (Kristen). We were in Munich and Kristen was tired from the train ride but I wanted to explore. A cute guy (Mike) came to our hostel and handed out flyers promoting his "bike tours" so I decided that sounded like a great idea. I figured out the directions and made it to the meeting place and signed up. I was feeling pretty good and a little slap happy from being over tired but it was a beautiful day for a bike ride.
So, Mike takes us all over the city which is gorgeous and we end up in a park with a pristine river running through it. He stops and proceeds to get naked. Totally Naked! He tells us all to get naked because we are jumping in the river. So, there are about a dozen of us tour takers and about half were taking their clothes off. I'm just standing there debating on what to do when Mike says "c'mon Shannon ~ don't be an American prude, be adventurous. Have FUN!". Did I mention that he is totally naked?.
Well, I had promised myself that one of the things I would do in Europe is to go topless (at the beach) and I hadn't done that yet so I was seriously considering doing this. Then Mike said "just wear your bra and panties then". "Alright, jeez". So I take my shorts and top off and realize I am wearing these tiny little "jungle" printed underwear that my friend Cathy had given me for the trip (she seemed to think they were approprate for travel wear.) Let me tell you that I am not a tiny little girl with a tiny little bottom. I'm not grotesque or anything but lets just say I'm "fluffy". So I walk as delicately as possible over to the group and prepare to jump in. Then Mike says "okay Shannon, you're first. Here, we'll help you." "UH, help me what?" I say. Then he informs me that we are climbing a tree and using a rope swing to jump in by. He says we are supposed to swing out far enough to swim to a small island in the middle and from there we would take the current down river. It was too late to back out now so I start climbing. I realize that as I'm climbing my underwear are not covering the important area that they needed to be covering and that the two guys who are "helping" me climb this tree are probably seeing more of me than necessary. So, I am hurrying to get ahold of the rope and get my ass (and vagina) in the water as quickly as possible. I reach for the rope and slip and fall ~ I do land in the water but I don't make it out far enough to swim to the alotted island where we were to go. The current is super strong and it starts carrying me down river immediately. My contacts are going up into my eyeballs and I'm sputtering trying to get my breath. Mike jumps in and tries to help me get across and I don't have any idea what the rest of the group is doing because I am long gone by now. Mike helps me get to the other side of the bank and tells me to grab onto a bush that is hanging in the water. He tells me to climb out. What the Fuck? Climb out? I thought this would be a nice leisurely swim and that it would come to a nice easy slope where I could walk out gracefully with my pride and my underwear intact.
Well, I grab onto the branch and the current is so strong that it pulls my underwear off. I am not kidding! I grab them and now have them in my hands and have to CLIMB out of the river with my big ass aimed right at Mike the bike tour guide. He was staying to help me out and I assured him I could handle it and he could go on down river further. He got the hint and went a little ways up to climb out himself. I climb out put my jungle underwear back on and say to him "uh, real fun Mike. Thanks". I still have to face the rest of the group and the guys that saw my cootchie on the tree rope. Great, I think to myself. One of the wives has a video camera~ there goes my political career. I still expect to see my "moment" show up on one of those TV video shows.
No one in the group said anything to me but I imagine they were laughing their asses off while I was sputtering and flying down river (I would have been). We all got back on our bikes and stopped for beers, I had the biggest glass they sold. It is definitelly my most embarrassing moment.

For those of you who love a good quiz.

2005-08-23T13:44:00.000-05:00

Take the 80's Song Quiz. I scored "102.35" and I swear I didn't cheat.